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The Real Story of Civilization

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, May 14, 2006.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

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    > WORLD HISTORY... AS IT REALLY HAPPENED
    >
    >
    > Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
    > hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains
    > during the summer and would go to the coast and live
    > on fish and lobster in the winter.
    >
    > The 2 most important events in all of history were the
    > invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The
    > wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were
    > the foundation of modern civilization and together
    > were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2
    > distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
    >
    > Once beer was discovered it required grain and that
    > was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
    > bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while
    > our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting
    > for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
    > brewery. That's how villages were formed.
    >
    > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals
    > to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This
    > was the beginning of what is known as "the
    > Conservative movement."
    >
    > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting
    > learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
    > for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching
    > and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
    > Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually
    > evolved into women. The rest became known as
    > 'girliemen.'
    >
    > Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
    > domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy
    > and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to
    > decide how to divide the meat and beer that
    > conservatives provided.
    >
    > Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by
    > the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
    > elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
    >
    > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),
    > but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
    > They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
    > Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
    > fare.
    >
    > Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
    > their women have higher testosterone levels than their
    > men. Most social workers, personal injury plaintiff
    > attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and
    > group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the
    > designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
    > make the pitcher also bat.
    >
    > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat
    > and still provide for their women. Conservatives are
    > big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jacks,
    > construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
    > officers, corporate executives, athletes, race car
    > drivers, Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Airmen and
    > generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives
    > who own companies hire other conservatives who want to
    > work for a living.
    >
    > Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
    > "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the
    > production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
    > enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
    > liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
    > coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West
    > was tame and created a business of trying to get MORE
    > for nothing.
    >
    > Here ends today's lesson in world history:
    >
    > It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary
    > urge to respond angrily to the above before replying to
    > it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so
    > convinced of the absolute truth of this history that
    > it will be replied to immediately and sent to all their friends.
     
  2. pauly383

    pauly383 Daddy383 Staff Member Moderator

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    Replied to :D
     

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