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The right thing to say...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by jarheadk5, Feb 24, 2005.

  1. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

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    Jack wakes up at home with a huge hangover he can't believe. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
    Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror, and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping--Love you!"
    He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
    "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
    "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
    His son replies, "Oh, THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

    Broken furniture -- $385
    Hot Breakfast -- $5
    Red Rose bud -- $3
    Two Aspirins -- $.38

    Saying just the right thing, at just the right time -- Priceless.
     
  2. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

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    heard it before, funny every time though.
     
  3. mxfireman

    mxfireman 1/2 ton status

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    lol that's good...
     
  4. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I'm surprised Kim didn't comment on this one. I told her about it earlier and she found it extremely funny, too.
     
  5. txfiremank5

    txfiremank5 1/2 ton status

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    Hmmm I wonder what this one falls under...


    I guy goes out drinking with his friends. As the night presses on he looks at the time, but figures he'll stay for at least another round. Several rounds later still finds him at the bar. Shortly after he's so drunk he brafs down the front of his shirt. He tells a buddy that he needs to go home, but his buddy tells him to stay a while longer. "no, I really shouldn't.. I promised my wife I would not get drunk tonight, and now she's going to know I did". "No no" says his friend, "Don't leave yet. I know a trick that will kepp the peace between you and the Mrs."

    "OK" say the guy, "what's the trick?"

    "Take a 20 dollar bill from your wallet, and put it in your shirt pocket"... "this way when you get home you tell your wife that some other guy barfed on you, and that he felt so bad about it, that he gave you 20 bucks to get the shirt cleaned." "It works every time..."

    So, the guy stays for a while longer, drinking with his friends...

    When he finally does go home his wife meets him at the door... He can tell that she's angry, and as he starts to undress he tries to explain the situation. "Honey, I know it's late, but I didn't get drunk, just like I said I wouldn't.."

    "Oh, what do you mean you didn't get drunk... look at your shirt, you barfed all down the front of it!!"

    "No.. that's just it.. I didn't, it was some other guy." "Look in my shirt pocket... he felt so bad about it that he gave me 20 bucks to get it cleaned..."

    His wife looks in the pocket and says, "theres 40 bucks here"

    "Oh yeah.... that same guy.... he crapped in my pants too"


    :haha:
     
  6. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Hey, Can Can, tell them... the one... about, uhm, the one about the Irish guy, and the mirror, and the bandaids
     
  7. y5mgisi

    y5mgisi 1 ton status

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    thats a purdy goodn
     
  8. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    too funny,:laugh: the wify was laughing.:haha: :haha: :haha:
     
  9. Kim Can

    Kim Can 1/2 ton status

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    Well I guess I should comment since Paul was expecting me to. I would have to say that if all you men responded that way, you would probably get the same treatment. I know my guy would. Then again he likes to stay home with me so I guess I don't have much to worry about :grin: .
     
  10. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    Yeah! What ever little Ms. Scrapbooker:whistle: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
     
  11. Kim Can

    Kim Can 1/2 ton status

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    Okay so I said he stays home with me, not that I stay home with him ??!!??

    Don't worry you won't be in any of my scrapbooks soon...:wink1:
     
  12. Corey 78K5

    Corey 78K5 1 ton status

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    Thats ok Kim! Carolyn is one of them scrapbookers as well:screwy: and She goes loaded for bear:rolleyes:
     

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