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There must be funny times with a Cops job too...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by landsmasher, Dec 5, 2002.

  1. landsmasher

    landsmasher 1/2 ton status

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    I have some cop friends and they have told me some of the "funny" parts of their job. Would love to hear some of the "Funny" stories some of you cops have to share with us. Also some of the times you let the poor sucker go...
     
  2. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    I have a couple of ya, but I was just the poor ride along...........

    First, happened two years ago. The job I had at the time, we worked hand in hand with the local PD and the cop stationed in our area kind of "guided" us. Anyway, I hopped a ride with him on a Saturday night. In his position, he didn't have to answer any calls on duty unless the call came from his area, which were few and far between due to what I was doing.

    We were cruising down the main drag right after pulling over some goofball kid with white lights for taillights. The traffic was slow, so he whipped around and here's a P/U and a Heep driving side by side doing about 25 mph. Speed limit is 35. Anyway, all of a sudden, the Heep swerves and almost hits the P/U, forcing it to swerve also. The cop hits the lights, gets on the PA and tells the P/U to pull over in the parking lot and wait. We went after the Heep, which pulled in a turn lane to make a U-turn. Well, the driver was scared and the cop was ready to get out in the middle of the road, but she finally moved into a parking lot and the cop made contact, while I watched the P/U across the street, but I couldn't see it. Couple of minutes later, the cop comes back, the girl Heep driver dropped her cell phone while talking to the boys in the P/U. So we left to contact the P/U, not really expecting them to wait on us. Well they did. No tickets were wrote on that one.

    The best so far, Christmas Eve 1993. I was home on leave from the Army, and just newly married. My dad is the El Jefe of the Policia where I'm from and on this night, he was in a giving mood, so he took the night shift, which was rare.

    We left the house at about 4pm to let the women folk do the cooking (what's so right with that picture?) and see what was happening around town. Now I have to set the plate a little bit here. Where I hail from in OK is small. 1500 people small and the cops very rarely have to do anything, and on days like this, the town is deader than a graveyard on a dark night. So anyway, my dad tells me where going up to the courthouse to see what OHP (OK Highway Patrol) was bringing in. The trooper had called in that he had a female prisoner and that was big news on Xmas Eve in this town. We got up to the courthouse and a guy that had worked for my dad got out of the trooper's car and his face was white. He walked up to us and told us the story. He was passing through, saw the trooper off the side of the road about 15 miles outside of town, so he stopped to BS. Well, this little Plymouth Sundance flew by them at 130 mph, on radar; so the chase was on. The trooper had a brand new Chevy Caprice and thought it would be a short chase. It wasn't. The driver finally slowed down to about 90 and they caught up to her. Now anyone that has been on this road would think anyone going over 80 would need to be committed. The driver's story for going so fast; she was from Amarillo, TX going to Dallas with her boyfriend and 9 month old baby. She didn't realize she took a wrong turn for 200 miles when they saw the "Welcome to Colorado" sign; so in a rush to make sure no one would miss them, she floored it. She was charged with reckless driving, contributing to the deliquency (boyfriend was 19 and drunk, trooper would of let her go if he was sober) and endangering a minor.

    So after about an hour in the courthouse, we had our fill of excitement, so we head down the main drag. About a block from the courthouse was this bar. As we passed it, there's a guy outside the door, up against the wall staggering. We pass him, then my dad says, "I hope he doesn't hope in a car." So he u-turns and flies back to the bar, and sure enough, there's a car with Kansas plates leaving the bar, heading west. So we follow. We go about a mile, and the car goes over the yellow lines not once, but twice, so the lights come on. We are on the outskirts of town. My dad goes up to the car, pulls the two passengers out. Passenger is drunk, driver is too; so he gets the cuffs and placed into the cruiser. I am in the back seat and my dad is out with the passenger waiting on the tow truck, who is pissed cause he gets this much business during a regular work week.

    Well, the whole time back in the car, this drunk biker is calling my dad every name he can think of, yelling, whining and I'm sitting in the back wanting to choke this MFer with the seatbelt. Finally, the dumba** says, "I didn't cross no double yellow line, did I?"

    Me, "yes, twice." The guy shutup. So everything gets lined up and we take this guy to the courthouse. My dad is trying to do the paperwork and has to ask this guy questions, he always answered "no contest," even when asked his name. He then would start whining about how he knew this ABATE lawyer and that ABATE lawyer, finally the deputy gets in his face and gives him the talking to all jacka**es get in a small town lockup. Didn't phase the guy. Off he went.

    Here's the funniest one though. I was in my senior year in high school, and my dad, step mom and sister went to the state track meet in OKC for the weekend and left me home. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    They got back on Sunday, and my dad, wanting to see how the town was since his other officer at the time (still there) is known as "Sweetchuck" from the Police Academy movies, and for good reason. I had told him that the town had pretty much gone to crap over the weekend.

    So we're sitting in a parking lot watching the goings on, there's two cars in front of us, a few guys shooting the BS. Well, one of them is a guy my sister worked with. She was always talking about how sweet and darling he was (you see where this is going now). So the guys decide to leave, and the "Mitch guy" (my sister called him that) hops in his car and lays the rubber down right in front of us. Now in my town, you can recognize everyone by the car they drive, and this time was no different. We lost the guy, but a quick 5 minute drive through town, we find him. Get him pulled over, driver and passenger got pulled out. Then here comes the empty beer cans by the case load and the half empty JD bottle. Well, the passenger is being nice and compliant, but this Mitch-guy is giving my dad the what for in a loud and vigorous manner, and this is going down in front of the Baptist preacher's house to boot.

    They are at the trunk of the car, Mitch is claiming it wasn't him; which he did have a good case since there were two other cars of the same make and model and color in town, but unfortunately for him, he was the only one with a busted taillight and we saw him do it. My dad is being a nice guy about the whole thing, but Mitch is yelling at the top of his lungs. Finally he calls my dad a fat, fawking pig and preceded to get spiked off the trunk lid and hooked. Get's put into the cruiser and he is whining like a 2 year old. We take him up to the courthouse, but due to a medical condition, he was released to his mother.

    So we go home and I'm in the first one in the house. My step mom is sitting there, and my sister is sleeping on the couch. My step mom heard the arrest on the scanner, so she asks me who it was and she didn't believe me the first time I told her who it was. My sister was shocked and I think her heart was broken. /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif

    That's the best I got, wonder just what I'll have to talk about once I'm on the streets.
     
  3. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

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    Where to begin........Ok. I am driving downtown one night at about 0300 hrs (That is 3:00 AM to you simple folk.) In my town the street lights flash red after midnight. We all know that a flashing red light is just like a stop sign right....

    I am driving right next to this red truck. I slow down and stop for the light. Red truck drives right through. I hit the lights and the truck pulls over. I can make out the outline of the driver behind his tinted windows.

    I walk up to the truck and I see the driver and a red faced woman in the passenger seat. (I only saw one head before, so we know where this is going). Well the driver has this blanket stretched tightly across his lap. Too tight in fact because I can see his raging hard on trying to poke through the blanket. Now me being the dry humor type of guy that I am......I ask him why he has a blanket across his lap. He says "I am cold."

    I look at the temp gauge and it is in the "normal" operating range. I suggest that he turn on the heater. He says "I just got in the truck, it is still cold." I tell him that his temp gauge tells me a different story. The guy is all freaked out now, but his boner is still flying high.

    At this time, my buddy from the City Police drives by. I give him the secret society hand signal for him to come back and give me a hand.

    My buddy comes up to the passenger side of the truck and tells the woman to roll down her window. She does. My buddy points right to the guy's boner and asked "What is that under the blanket?" The guy says "Nothing". My buddy tells the guy that his "nothing had better be put away when I come back to the truck."

    We go back to my car and I check the guy for warrants and we laugh as we see the guy trying to stuff his "nothing" back into his pants.

    We go back up to the truck and give the guy a warning for the red light. My buddy tells the guy that it is against City Ordinance to "have a loaded gun" and that the driver should either "go to a hotel and unload it or that the guy should unload it by himself."

    The guy says "We are going to unload it right now."

    Deputy X pull this car over for speeding. Deputy X walk up to the car and the man in the car is naked except for a black "nighty" and the biggest Strap on Dildo I have ever seen.

    Long story short....The guy has warrant, So Deputy X is dreading the fact that this Sh!t bag has to ride in his car to the jail.

    Jesus must has a sense of humor because as Deputy X was walking this guy into the jail, my Lieutenant is giving a tour of the Booking Area to our Penny Pinching County Commissioners.

    As Deputy X walk past the Commissioners with a naked, plastic d!ck wearing sicko.....He says "You don't think we need a raise??? Why don't you take this guy home with you to babysit your kids and then tell me that we make enough money."

    Needless to say......we got our raise that year.
     
  4. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

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    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  5. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

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    In all fairness, I should include the one where WE (The Cops) were the victim of a "joke."

    In July of this year, I was on day shift. My Sgt. asked for two Deputies to volunteer for a "detail". (Sometimes this "detail" could be fun, or it could suck.

    Me and my buddy Dave volunteered. Turns out that we have to escort this semi-truck that is filled with nuclear waste from County Line to County Line.

    So we meet the Trucker at the Nebraska/Wyoming line and see the truck. It looks like a regular semi truck with a flat bed trailer and this huge green box (15'x15'x15') on the trailer. There are a bunch of Haz Mat placards on it.

    Now here is the funny part. There are two truckers in the semi that work in 8 hour shifts, so that the truck is always moving. These two truckers have been doing this for years. This paticular truck has to have a police escort where ever it goes.

    We walk up to the truck to talk to the driver. He motions for us to move away from the truck. We are standing about 20 yards from the truck and the trucker keeps looking over his shoulder and acting real nervous.

    Finally the trucker asked us "How far away do you think we are from the "Nuke Sh!t"? We both say "20 yards."

    The trucker goes nuts and tells us to move farther away from the truck. So we do. (By now me and my buddy are getting alittle freaked out ) As we are moving away from the truck, the trucker starts to fidget with his crotch.

    At the same time both Dave and I look at this guy. As GOD is my witness, he was glowing green!!! Dave and I look at each other and I can imagine that we both looked like a couple of school girls ready to grab each other and start whimpering.

    The trucker starts to laugh real hard. he takes off his hat and there is a 6" green neon light which is glowing green, with a bunch of 9 volt batteries to power it. He also had one in his crotch.

    The trucker explained that he and his partner have been doing this same act to cops all across the country for years with the typical response being the look of intense fear that Dave and I had exhibited.

    I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself. /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif
     
  6. landsmasher

    landsmasher 1/2 ton status

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    Geeesh I was expecting something like arresting a clown or something. This stuff is goofy! Hope we get to hear more of this funny stuff. Only reason I brought this up is that you guys see it all. There has to be some funny stuff included... /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  7. Dirty Dave

    Dirty Dave 1/2 ton status

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    This happened when I was a trooper. After a long day of hauling in hay for my dad, my best friend Chris (who is also an officer and was living with me at the time) and I were on our way home to shower and start our shifts with our respective agencies. Any who we come up on a traffic accident being worked by the a Sheriffs deputy. A semi truck had came off a steep hill missed his curve and went into a freshly plowed field and sunk to his axles. We stopped and ask if he needed any help. Since all was cool we strolled down into the field to say hi to Dan the tow truck driver who was an old family friend. As we are talking the truck driver strolls up and asks Dan how much longer it was gonna be until until the "big wrecker" would be there to winch him out. Dan says about 30 minutes. Truck driver says " 30 minutes!?!?!.....Damn man we got to speed this up!! You gotta get that truck out before one of those cock sucking Vehicle Enforcement (DOT) pricks show up. I dont have time to deal with those stupid sons-of-bitches." Chris says "Damn man are they that bad?" "Hell yes" truck driver says. "They are like a bunch of Nazis."
    "I have heard that." I chime in then add "I have met a few but I dont drive a truck so I dont have to deal with them like you." "Consider yourself lucky." he says. Well we went home showered, got suited up and went 10-8 (super secret code for "on the clock"). First place we went was.....you guessed it.....the accident scene. You should have seen the drivers face go ghost white when Chris rolled up in his purty bronze Kentucky Vehicle Enforcement issued Crown Victoria /forums/images/graemlins/deal.gif

    Well it was funny at the time
     
  8. Dirty Dave

    Dirty Dave 1/2 ton status

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    Here is a little joke that was played in our department today. One of the Sgts is a notorious practical joker. Sunday he played a hilarious joke on the Sheriff that I wont get into.

    Today the Sheriff calls me and ask if I would slide over to the local junkyard and get a box full of broken window glass. I was like WTF over but I did as I was told. So I come by the office and he (the sheriff) jumps in the car with me and says go over to riverside cafe. The jokester Sgt had just called out for dinner and the boss had a plan. Seems the jokster always parked his crusier behind the cafe.

    Armed with a spare set of keys and a box of glass we snuck up on the Sgts car while he stuffed his face. The Sheriff opens his passenger side door takes out his dash cam, cell phone, shotgun, ar-15, mag-lite, and a bunch of other stuff and has me put it in the trunk. He then rolls the window down and tosses broken glass all over the passenger side. Carefully we made our way unseen back to my unmarked and waited with much anticipation for the Sgt to return.

    When he came out I swear I thought his heart was gonna stop. He looked all around, paced around the car a couple of times then sat down on the curb. I thought I was gonna bust a gut.

    Then he calls dispatch and tells them to have a supervisor meet with him at that location. The Sheriff grabs the radio and says HE is in the area and will handle it....Hehehee. When we rolled up I thought he was gonna puke he was a nice shade of green. We played it out another 10 minutes before the boss told him he should take some trash bags from the trunk and cover the window. Man was he hot...oddly enough he found little humor in the joke......oh well I did!
     
  9. MOABDADC22

    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

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    That is a good one..... /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  10. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    hahaha! /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/ignore.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     
  11. TopOff

    TopOff 1/2 ton status

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    I would like to know the story behind this one...

    [​IMG]
     
  12. TITAN

    TITAN 1/2 ton status

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    Someone stole the Ronald out of a local McDonalds, and someone found it in a park, and the were recovering the stolen property. It was actually hanging off of something, I forgot what but the officer on the left is carrying the rope.
     
  13. TopOff

    TopOff 1/2 ton status

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    AHHHHHhhhhHHHHHhhhh...

    I thought they were arresting Ronald! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     
  14. landsmasher

    landsmasher 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
     

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