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Things I MUST remember as a dog:

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by muddin4fun, Feb 20, 2002.

  1. muddin4fun

    muddin4fun 3/4 ton status

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    1. the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

    2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

    3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa
    or under the bed.

    4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
    the house.

    5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after
    they throw it up.

    6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
    clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

    7. I will not throw up in the car.

    8. I will not roll on dead rabbits, pheasants, turtles, fish,
    etc., just because I like the way they smell.

    9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not
    food.

    10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then
    redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

    11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

    12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

    13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
    ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

    14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
    rolled down when it's raining outside, or -60 in temperature.

    15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
    hear one on TV.

    16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

    17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's
    laps.

    18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

    19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
    mom's driver's license and car registration.

    20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's
    sitting on the toilet.

    21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the
    bathroom and then have a string hanging out of my butt.

    22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after
    just getting a bath.

    23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.

    24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because my
    girlfriends down the street are not available.

    25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the
    pillow next to their head.

    26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my
    butt across the carpet.

    27. the toilet bowel is not a never ending water supply, and,
    just because the water is blue, doen't mean it is cleaner.

    28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
    crotch when company is over.

    29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

    30. The cat is not a squeaky toy. When I play with him and he makes that noise, it's not a good thing.

    <font color=green>Um....having trouble coming up with somptin good...</font color=green>

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.bluefox.tv/~lara>My Wonderful Site</a>
     
  2. muddysub

    muddysub 1 ton suburban status Staff Member Moderator GMOTM Winner

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    you're not a bloodhound are ya? once you've owned one or two of these dogs all those rules go out the window. especially #s 17, 16, 22 and 23. oh and you forgot " i will not break windows with my tail" or " i will not eat the remote control." two more bloodhound rules.

    --Scott, 1989 GMC Suburban 2500 4" lift, 36" TSLs
    <a target="_blank" href=http://community.webshots.com/user/muddysub>http://community.webshots.com/user/muddysub</a>
     
  3. solowookie

    solowookie 1/2 ton status

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    oh man there are just too many of these that I can relate to! [​IMG] LOL

    <font color=blue> Jeff - may the force be with you</font color=blue>
    <a target="_blank" href=http://coloradok5.com/gallery/Jeffs-Stuff>link to k5's</a>
     
  4. SCOOBYDANNN

    SCOOBYDANNN 1/2 ton status

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    Man, I can relate to 99% of these and multiply that by 3 dogs,[​IMG]

    Sun Desert Offroad <a target="_blank" href=http://4x4.alloffroad.com>4x4.alloffroad.com</a>

    83 Chevy, 350, sm465, lincoln locked14ff, dana 60,4.56's, (sometime soon flatbed,and 39.5" TSL's)
     
  5. speed_deed

    speed_deed 1/2 ton status

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    My Lab HAS to learn #25. It got so bad that He got to go to the vet. Turns out he had some "scent gland" problems!!!! [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] That poor bastard he just smells putred.&lt;--- Is that how that is spelled?

    '85 k-5 gmc jimmy 4x4 sierra classic. '84 k-5 gmc jimmy sierra. '70 cuda 440 6 pack executive edition shaker hood, steering column shift.
     
  6. LKJR

    LKJR 1/2 ton status

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    LOL

    Like em big and topless
    You call THAT...a 4x4....LMAO?
     
  7. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

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    <blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

    I will not throw up in the car.

    <hr></blockquote>

    Done that a couple of times...Almost 99% alcohol was involved!



    Eric
    from Freekmont,CA.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.community.webshots.com/user/vwryda>I'm Discombobulated </a>
     
  8. muddin4fun

    muddin4fun 3/4 ton status

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    Boy, I woulda kicked your ass!

    <font color=green>Um....having trouble coming up with somptin good...</font color=green>

    <a target="_blank" href=http://www.bluefox.tv/~lara>My Wonderful Site</a>
     
  9. shawnboy

    shawnboy 1/2 ton status

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    #30 is applicable in this household.

    <font color=red>If you are having too much fun it's probably illegal.</font color=red>
     
  10. chvyhs

    chvyhs 1/2 ton status

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    My Boxer, "Chevy" is guilty of atleast 1/2 of those.

    <a target="_blank" href=http://community.webshots.com/user/chvyhs>WebShot Pics</a>
    It's a wheelbase thing, you wouldn't understand.
     
  11. Greenblazer-AZ

    Greenblazer-AZ 1/2 ton status

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    # 31 Don't fetch the stick with the lit fuse, or don't go hunting with morons. See the "Duck Hunters (Hunting with Dumb And Dumber)" thread.

    If you knew the truth, you too would be against marijuana prohibition!
    Blue '74Blazer Topless W/ 35 BFG Muds1" Body Lift W/ Energy Susp. Bushings<P ID="edit"><FONT class="small">Edited by Greenblazer-AZ on 02/23/02 06:26 PM.</FONT></P>
     

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