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Things I've learned the hard way........

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by tiger9297, Jun 23, 2005.

  1. tiger9297

    tiger9297 1/2 ton status

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    Saw this on another forum and I was literally in tears I was laughing so hard at everyone's replies. I thought it be good to get some input from this site. Feel free to ad your own.

    1) Don't talk your (city boy) friend into taking his new Ford Explorer mudding at midnight in the pouring rain. AND when you hook your K5 along with a Bronco up to pull him out of the hole his Explorer had been sitting in since the night before, make sure he has the door closed and it's not wedged into the mud b/c it will end up parrallel to the front fender.

    2) When turning a radial arm saw sideways in order to "rip" a board, make sure your buddy puts the board in the right way or the saw WILL take the board and shoot it through a door.

    3) (When I was about 12) I learned that a 1981 Honda 200 3 wheeler will float if you run it off in deep enough water. However, it will only do so after you get off of it and it rolls upside down.

    4) When towing a boat, always fasten the safety chains. Even though the trailer is not powered, it can actually accelerate and pass you if it comes loose.

    5) What you think will only take a few minutes, and will just cost a little, will actually take a few days and cost alot.

    I'm sure I can think of more later.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2005
  2. Okiemuddog

    Okiemuddog 1/2 ton status

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    lol, too true, I have got family in Plantersville, right around the corner from you. Prorbably drove by your place one time or another and never knew it.

    Krennen
     
  3. mr_beer

    mr_beer 1/2 ton status

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    LOL #5 is my life story
     
  4. tiger9297

    tiger9297 1/2 ton status

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    Here's some I found that I thought were good.

    Make sure your 6 year old takes off his super secret spy ring before helping you wash your truck. It will save you a trip to the paint shop to fix the gouges.
    If your 13 year old is helping you change the oil and you hear the words "uh oh", it's probably too late.
    Don't use a 6 quart recovery bucket to catch 8 quarts of oil. You spend far too much time cleaning up the driveway.
    Make sure you don't lean over a turning fan blade with an antique metal timing light in your hand. Mix one part turning fan blade with one part house current = electrocution.


    and another
    Always use a vice or a drill press...if you don't you'll end up with a drill bit embeded in your leg about 3 inches away from your goods.

    and another
    Don't let your wife change her own oil.

    If you do, the first time, she will forget to remove the plug from the catch pan and you'll end up helping her clean 5 quarts of oil off of the garage floor.

    The second time, she will forget to pull the catch pan out from under her car and drive off, dragging the pan down the driveway and into the street. Once again, you'll be helping her clean up several quarts of oil.

    The third (and last) time, she will come in and ask for help loosening the drain plug. Five minutes later, she will come in and ask for help locating the oil filter. Five minutes later, she will ask for help loosening the filter. By now, you will realize that you just changed her oil. Which you should have done in the first place and saved yourself 30 minutes.
     
  5. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    6) Don't try and hotrod your rice burner at 135mph, stop, 135mph, stop, 135mph and stop again. By the third time you attempt to stop, your breaks are melted and you plow through the intersection with a dumb look on your face staring and hoping that the semi's breaks are better than yours.

    7) Don't try again to hotrod your rice burner at 135mph on a highway that you haven't traveled in a while figuring you won't have to stop and melt your breaks. There will be construction by that time and when you hit your breaks to try and make it in the direction of the detour, you will start spinning out of control and ping pong back and forth on the concreat barriers that are now only two lanes apart for 200 yards and the cops won't believe you that it was a hit and run and you were only doing the posted 35mph. By this time, you have given up racing and started wheeling in big slow trucks.

    8) When you get stuck at a downward angle in the sand, don't assume your buddy knows what he is doing. Make sure he doesn't put the tow strap on his brush guard. The brush guard will break and you will have a hook and strap slingshot through your rear window and lodge into your windshield.

    9) If your truck breaks down in the middle of a trail, don't leave it there until your next day off to fix it. You will return and it will be pushed into the nearest river and shot several times until it explodes and burns down to the ground. (NOTE your rims will melt)

    10) When traveling long distances in a moving truck that is too big to see the vehicle behind you, be sure to check on it now and then. If you don't, a tire will surely blow out and you will drag it for a few hundred miles effectivly shreding the rims, axel, and break lines before an 18 wheeler flashes his lights at you to tell you that something is wrong. Aparently only 1/100 18 wheelers will let you know about it. The rest will simply laugh and let the others know that they need to speed up and check out the dumb ass.

    11) If you've never checked it, it's broken or breaking.

    12) If you did check it, check again.

    13) Marrige is like a Blazer. It looks good before you commit. Lots of good stuff under the hood. Seems like it will last a life time. Then after you buy it, it takes all your money, always breaks down if you quit paying attention, groans all the time, and never wants to go out when you do.

    14) After 1 1/2 years of marrige, seperation, councling etc, I found that if you take an opertunity to lose your top with jelousy (SP), she will see it as a sign that you really do care. BUT, you get yelled at anyway.

    15) If you don't know what it is and you pull it off, you're going to get a face full of transmission fluid

    16) If you have a spare, you won't need it... If you don't, everything pops your tires.

    17) If you get caught staring at another woman, don't try the "Keep staring in that direction after she passes so it looks like you are looking at something else" thing, she won't buy it.

    18) Your wifes boobs are just fine they way they are. ie, I LIKE BIG BOOBS or ANYTHING MORE THAN A MOUTHFULL IS A WASTE or just the good ol I THINK THERE GREAT (GRAB) while adding "but if you want a boob job, i suppose we can do that.... if it makes you feel better." Never say "yes, you need bigger/better/firmer/smaller/different in anyway boobs." You just end up with blue balls and a sore back from sleeping on your crappy couch.

    19) Craftsman Robogrip pliers will not help in making a hose wider by inserting them and pulling them apart, they will shoot a metal pin directly at your eye instead.

    20) When your 6 month old kid has a poopy diaper, don't pull out the leg a little to check while he is sitting on your lap. It will just shoot out all over your hand and pants.

    21) Spit is a great lube, just don't tell her that was what you have been doing down there. The night will end earlier than expected.

    22) Don't leave your oil catch can in the back of your truck on a HOT AZ summer day. The heat will make the cap expand and come off and there will be a big mess of oil to clean up all over the inside of your blazer. :( :mad: :( :mad:
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2005
  6. shane74

    shane74 1/2 ton status

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    Not me but I like to think that I learn from the mistakes of others. :grin:

    6. Never go to the bathroom w/out cleaning the Herculiner off your hands. Your hootus will thank you.

    7. Never, EVER, tell your wife that yes, those pants DO make her butt look big.
    8. Never, EVER, tell your wife that it's NOT the PANTS that makes her butt look big.
     
  7. mr_beer

    mr_beer 1/2 ton status

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    Women are like chainsaws, nothing better than a good one, nothing worse than a bad one :p:
     
  8. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    You guys should write a book on how not to do it. This is hilarious. :D
     
  9. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    TTT I've been adding on to the post I already have in here to keep them all together, so TO THE TOP for this one
     
  10. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    :haha: How true it is...
     
  11. tiger9297

    tiger9297 1/2 ton status

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    Jaigermeister tastes like cough syrup, only it makes you feel worse, not better.

    When your wife calls you and begins her sentence with "ummmm", that means the car has been wrecked, she has fallen through the ceiling from the attack, or she just killed another animal with her car.

    Don't nickname your pregnant wife "Tons of Buns".

    A pregnant woman has a nose like a bloodhound.

    No matter how hard I try I still screw up way more than my wife.
     
  12. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    Two I learned yesterday regarding the truck...



    -She will get mad at you even if you do what she tells you to

    -You are doomed if you can't tell whether she's being sarcastic or not
     
  13. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    You're doomed either way. Once you realize it, the rest is easier. :D
     
  14. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    A few things I've learned.....

    NEVER :

    ...Change a tire on the expressway!(unless you want to DIE!)..
    ....Kiss someone elses woman!--even if SHE slipped you the toungue first! :blush:
    ....Think "nobody can see me",when your taking an emergency leak on the side of the road at night..state troopers have 20/20 vision,and can smell urine a mile away... :frown1:
    .....borrrow anything from anyone--its gauranteed to break,screw up,or get stolen or lost!--and you'll have to BUY a NEW one,and you dont get too KEEP it!
    ....Tell a woman she needs to diet!...or has a beeg mouth!.... :D
    ....let teenagers borrow your vehicles...unless you dont want them back!
    ....ask a woman her age!...(unless she looks under 18!)...
    .....go to the police station to bail out a friend with booze or pot on your breath...or with an outstanding warrant! :(
    ....tell a cop "I was NOT speeding!--YOU were in order to CATCH UP !.. ;)
    .....Go to work with a hangover...stay home and drink some more instead... :laugh:
    ....tell your neighbor "I dont mind if you park on my land"...next thing you know,there is a winnebago and 10 cars there...and a tent city.. :mad:
    ....Tell your boss he's wrong--especially if he IS,and worse---in front of someone else!... :frown1:
     
  15. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    I learned a new one today

    Don't leave your oil catch can in the back of your truck on a HOT AZ summer day. The heat will make the cap expand and come off and there will be a big mess of oil to clean up all over the inside of your blazer. :( :mad: :( :mad:
     
  16. y5mgisi

    y5mgisi 1 ton status

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    1. Never assume anything is going to be quick or easy...
    2. what you think will cost a certain amount of money will end up costing double
    3. never stay up late drinking sunday night cause you think that 4 hours of sleep is plenty. (its not!)
    4. if you plan for the worst somthing even worse will happen.
    5. being the nice guy will NOT get you any action.
    6. dont fall asleep in your suburban with the engine running and the heater on it wil get too hot and use lots of gas.
    7. Never fall too much in love with a woman it will brake your heart wen she splits up with you and says being with one dude for ever would be "boaring"
    8. Number 7 again
    9. Just saying f*** it does not allways get you ahead of the game
    10. Dont sell your free 30 mpg car for 400 bucks cause you tihkn that gas prices arnt that bad.
    11. Allways do everything possible to kep the mom or the wife happy. and she still wont be.
    12. wgen you type when your drunk you will mis spell and mis punctuate allmost evrything.
    13. DO get more gasoline than you think youll use.
    14. Dont smoke weed the day of a drug test you WILL fail(not that ive ever done that)
     
  17. Drey

    Drey 3/4 ton status

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    Dont by a vehicle without seeing it or driving it just because your dad said its a hell of a deal. Especially if you like to romp on it and he drives slow.

    No matter how fast you drive on gravel the dust will always catch your freshly waxed truck

    Your project truck will NEVER be done
     
  18. sledheadak

    sledheadak 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    dont EVER tell the judge she is a c#nt :dunno:
     
  19. sandracer799

    sandracer799 1/2 ton status

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    How very true this one is! :frown1:
     
  20. Desert Rat

    Desert Rat Fetch the comfy chair

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    You wouldn't have had the opportunity if you hadn't told the officer he was a "Ricardo Cabeza"......... :whistle:
     

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