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Things to ponder,,,,,

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by wasted wages, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. wasted wages

    wasted wages 3/4 ton status

    Dec 3, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Dallas Texas
    I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

    Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

    The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

    Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

    There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

    Life is sexually transmitted.

    Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

    The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

    Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

    Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

    Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

    All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

    In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

    Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does a OB-GYN leave the room when women get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  2. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

    Mar 17, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Grand Junction, CO

    No but this fat bitch in my building sure thinks so. Drives me friggin crazy. "click, click, click, click" stop it cow, it'll get here when it gets here.
  3. skidpan

    skidpan 1/2 ton status

    Sep 21, 2005
    Likes Received:
    and everytime you get to an elevator you push the button no matter how many people are standing there waiting on the same elevator .
    so then the guy that was standing there is thinking " what the hell i just pushed the button"...
    so there the two of you are waiting on the elevator..
    a third guy walks up and pushes the same little lit up button you and your predecessor have just pushed, and you say to your self " what the hell i just pushed the damn button???" people just keep pushin the damn button
  4. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

    Oct 16, 2004
    Likes Received:
    gunnison colorado
    Ok, someone explain this to me:

    WHY ARE THERE BRAILLE INSTRUCTIONS AT THE DRIVE UP ATM ????????????:eek1: :eek1: :eek1: :eek1:
  5. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Jan 9, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Gettysburg, SD
    The ATM keypads are all the same, no matter if it's a walkup on a streetcorner or on a driveup machine. They make one keypad and put it in the machine.
  6. 79k20350

    79k20350 3/4 ton status

    Nov 22, 2004
    Likes Received:
    DIng ding ding...we have a winner!;)

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