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Thinking of telling my wife to get lost

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by google, Jun 9, 2005.

  1. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    Me and my wife seperated about a month and a half ago. She has a major anger problem that started to effect our kids and I told her she had to go until we can work it out.. Yelling and screaming and what not that was just unnecessary. (in short anyway. not that simple)... So now she lives with her mother and her son (we have two. One mine and one hers from previous relationships) I've been giving her money on every pay day to keep them fed, clothed etc... Meanwhile, we have only gone to one councling session of a schedualed 4. She keeps canceling them and telling me she has some other important thing to do. Meanwhile, I can never get a hold of her less and less. She has a cell phone so it should be an issue. It's gotten to the point now that I don't hear from her unless it's pay day. [sarcastic voice] Strangly I don't have a problem getting her on her cell on pay day either [/sarcastic voice] I'm getting the strange feeling that she couldn't give a **** less that we are seperated and on our way to divorce and she just wants to keep it going long enough to get money out of me.

    I just put in a 90 hour work week and got a promotion. My next check is going to be HUGE with all the OT. What does she say? Not "Congrats on the promotion" or "good for you" or "i bet your tired"... she asks if it means she will get more money this week. We have our next session schedualed for tuesday and I get paid on wed. I think I am going to open a can of worms there..... if she shows that is. If not.... I dunno

    Any comments?
     
  2. BranndonC

    BranndonC 3/4 ton status

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    therapy maybe... i dont know you 2. how long have you been together? since you dont have kids with eachother, you could go your seperate ways and it wouldnt be as bad as if you did have kids together. basically i think if people have kids they should try and solve their problems, if they just cant, then seperate.... in your case i would cut my loses and move on
     
  3. nerraw117

    nerraw117 1/2 ton status

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    wow, i really dont know what to say. i cant keep a girl firned for longer than 3 months before it gets to serious for me. so i dont know
     
  4. bigcountryk5

    bigcountryk5 1/2 ton status

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    my only advice is that if you feel like it's worth saving try your hardest to make it work but ONLY if you know you and her and the kids will be happy....if you truely feel like its heading toward divorce like it seems from your post start CAREFULLY and painstakingly recording absolutly everything both you and her are doing and make sure everything is well documented in a legal and proveable way the court system in america is very sympathetic to women in divorce cases talk to a lawyer asap or she will be able to take your @$$ to the cleaners and you'll be in a really bad spot.!!

    i've seen it happen where the one who is trying to work something out gets royaly screwed to many times :mad:
     
  5. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    It sounds to me like you've already made your mind up. Rightly so, IMHO.
     
  6. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    Like I said. She can't take me to the cleaners. in AZ, it's community property. You take what is yours and split what was aquired during marrige. We don't have anything worth talking about except the minivan and the blazer. The rest was mine except for some kitchen stuff and all her clothes and baby stuff.

    So, I can make a clean break... that's not a problem. I guess a little more detail on the rest would be necessary. I've known my wife for about 11 years. We went our seperate ways after highschool. We both joined different branches of the military. She got out and had a kid at the same time that I had a kid. Her boyfriend left them when he found out and my girlfriend took off two weeks after mine was born. Several months later, we got married. Several medical issues have eaten away at her over the last two years. It's gotten to the point of drug abuse (perscription pain killers) and has become unmanageable. She won't stick with any therapy for more than a session or two. She thinks she knows more than everyone else. Bottom line, I think I've done all that I can do to help her. If she wont take the help and I know help can bring her back to reality, is it wrong for me to just say "screw it. I'm done trying to help." ??? Keep in mind, I've been putting up with this for around a year and a half and so have our kids who aren't even 3 yet. I just think that I've done what I can and she still won't accept help. She knows there is a problem, but refuses to deal with it. SO here are my questions

    Have I put in enough effort in this situation to justify to myself (in your openion) that i've done enough and can call it quits?
     
  7. bigcountryk5

    bigcountryk5 1/2 ton status

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    our opinion is not the one that matters here...
    that said i think your above statement speaks volumes about what you are thinkingmake your own decision that way it will be twice as hard to second guess yourself with all these other opinions thrown in it is just to much "what if" stuff that could creep up in your mind , or at least that's how i'd feel if i was going through it. :confused:
     
  8. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

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    its over. Face it and move on. I wouldn't give her another penny until I got a lawyer and a divorce and had the ammounts/frequency set in stone and backed up by law, otherwise you're just paying for her to spend all your hard earned money on whatever she wants.

    j
     
  9. eric22

    eric22 1/2 ton status

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    ya keep that big check for a good lawyer, it will pay for itself in the future
     
  10. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    Once again, if we get divorced, I won't have to pay her anything. THERE IS ON SUCH THING AS ALAMONY IN AZ :grin:


    As for the rest of the responses, most of you are right. I have already made my choice and I haven't even realized it. I've done more than most people would do in my situation. I've given her the benifit of the doubt more than enough times and tollerated the verbal abuse and subjected my son to it long enough. I'm out. :cool1: :cool1: :cool1:
     
  11. dleroy43

    dleroy43 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Pa always said " dont trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesnt die"

    then when my wife left me while I was in Iraq with all the money and still didnt want to get out of the house, I start to belive him.
     
  12. nc87k5

    nc87k5 3/4 ton status

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    why do most women do that??? leave with all the money and leave you a "Dear John" note. like you didn't have enough on you at the time being in Iraq, then she had to pull a stunt like that. if you had of kept the money in a secret place, then she would have asked "don't you trust me???" hell no!
     
  13. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    LOL, I agree. It's not that I don't trust her. I do. I'm the one that booted her out of the house. I'm the one that wants to end things. I love her to death, but she has become a completely different person over the last year. I've tried to bring her back to reality, but she doesn't want help. She admits that there is a problem, but she is too lazy or depressed to do anything about it. I've done what I can. I don't need this crap anymore. I've been carrying all the weight for long enough. Im giving her back her weight and moving on.
     
  14. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    Me and my sons mom split up from that. I had over $12k in an account from my reenlistment bonus and I wouldn't give her the card to "run to the store". She threw a Mt. Dew can at me and hit me in the head. I ignored that. Then she kicked my brand new computer that I just finished hooking up. I put her in a bear hug and carried her out the door and shut it. She didn't try and come back until after I got married. So I took her to court and got full custody of my kid. She never came back again. Yea!! I wish things like that were always that easy. Didn't seem easy at the time, but now I know how lucky I am to have gotten full custody. Didn't hurt that I was a licensed PI and I could dig up all the dirt I needed on the net from places like cocourts.com and what not. Didn't even need an attorney. Went to her atty office with her and laid down all the paper work on her arrests and he found out that I was a cop.... RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME HE TOLD HER "YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE IN HELL" That was classic!!!
     
  15. gambit420s

    gambit420s 1/2 ton status

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    better hurry

    i watched a friend put it off too long til his wife's cardio/pulmonary system shut down and they had to sit there for 20mins watching her die waiting for ambo... with his 2 kids and 1 of hers...
    painkillers are a mother****er.
    if you value the life of her child you would try to get custody of them too...
    My friend ended up adopting his wife's kid, but then got with some other golddigging drug addict... :shame:
    they get married in a month, still thinking bout crashing that little shindig :thinking:
     
  16. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    I agree. She started getting them at the DR until he wouldn't give her any more, then she started getting them at the ER until they caught on. Then her mom started mailing them to her until I threatened to turn her in to the feds for mailing narcotics. So she moved on to illegal drugs (great thing to have in the house with kids and even better when you are living on a military base) I figured she would start doing better when I got out and we moved back to AZ with all the family help we would have. Didn't work out that way. Then she could just get the drugs directly from her mother. So, i'm done. I'm a drug free guy. Never did like them. Perscription or otherwise. I'm certainly not going to tollerate it for an extended period of time from someone that is unwilling to accept help in any way shape or form. Not my style. Makes me feel like a biiiitch. I'm not a biiiitch.
     
  17. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Hmmm

    I guess it comes down to, as I see it, if you are willing to accept saving what's good in the relationship by slogging though the bad, and what either way would mean to your kids

    Of course, what do I know
     
  18. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    Well, my son has never been happier. If you have kids you'll relate to this post. When my kid is with anyone for babysitting while I work, he get's super excited to see DADDY!!!! He laughs, wants to be held, and wants nothing more than for him and daddy to go bye bye. When she shows up he cries, runs away, and just keeps saying NO NO NO Mommy!!!. So as far as my kid is concerned, I think it's still the right thing.
     
  19. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    Ya know, last night I heard a piece by a very smart man in these matters. The thing that impressed me was he did not really beat around the bush and he was ever so eager to assist his fellow man in their troubled times.

    So with that, I would suggest you find a copy of a piece called "Kevin's Revenge" by that great man Sam Kinnison, may he rest in peace :D
     
  20. google

    google 1/2 ton status

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    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Sammmmmmyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!
     

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