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Tips for a Safe Halloween

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by shewheeler, Oct 20, 2003.

  1. shewheeler

    shewheeler 1/2 ton status

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    I'm sure this is probably a re-post, but worth repeating /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

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    1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead. Assume it isn't and run like hell.

    2. Never summon Azrael, Beelzebub, Lucifer or Astarte, not even as a joke.

    3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. (This rule also applies to boat houses, empty barns and any edifice erected on summer camp facilities.)

    4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

    5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.

    6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

    7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well. (Denny's excluded.)

    8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT -- it's not.

    9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out. Do not attempt to play electrician.

    10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead. (Yes, this includes jewelry.)

    11. If you find a town which looks empty and lifeless, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

    12. Hey, kids, don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know exactly what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what you're doing, don't fool with it! JUST SAY NO!

    13. If you're running from any monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

    14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness and so on, kill them immediately.

    15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

    16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, please do not go to the nearest deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had half of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.

    17. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed Satanic practices in your house.

    18. Avoid any and all contact with evil twins (yes, that includes the Olson Sisters).

    19. If it looks like a chainsaw, starts like a chainsaw and sounds like a chainsaw, it probably is a chainsaw.

    20. Finally, try to steer clear of relatives who levitate, glow and start to suddenly spin like a dervish. It's probably NOT just Aunt Marge's potato salad.

    /forums/images/graemlins/ears.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  2. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

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    /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif



    [ QUOTE ]
    If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws.

    [/ QUOTE ]

    I'm not sure that's any safer.



    [ QUOTE ]
    steer clear of relatives who levitate, glow and start to suddenly spin like a dervish.

    [/ QUOTE ]


    They've been doing that for years and we haven't had any problems yet.


    /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  3. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out. (This rule also applies to boat houses, empty barns and any edifice erected on summer camp facilities.)


    [/ QUOTE ]

    That's why one throws in a flashbang, sprays the room with his favorite automatic submachine gun, and then goes in with NVG's after the dust has cleared /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  4. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

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  5. Confedneck

    Confedneck 3/4 ton status

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    [ QUOTE ]
    13. If you're running from any monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. Also, if you are a well endowed female, be prepared to lose your top when you fall the first time, and any undergarments the second time.

    [/ QUOTE ]
    fixed it!
     
  6. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

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    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    sounds about right.... /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  7. k5ntexas

    k5ntexas 1/2 ton status

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