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UTAH BARBIES

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by unclematty, Jul 23, 2004.

  1. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
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    Ok! I was DYING!! This is a hoot! SOOO "pre-judgemental"...but I laughed!
    Show your Utah pride by purchasing one of our limited edition barbies
    Draper City Barbie: She's 29 and she's already had six kids. She has never
    worked a day in her life and really doesn't think she should have to. She
    comes with a brand new home on an acre and a half of land in the Draper
    Foothills. Her Barbie Dream Home comes with furniture for all eight
    bedrooms, two mini vans, two horses and a trampoline. She also comes with a jar of expensive stretch mark cream and a consent form to have her tubes tied after the birth of child number seven. Bonus -this Barbie comes with a one-year membership to Costco, which is where she has to shop to feed her brood. Never-at-home Ken is a Mormon Bishop and a high school administrator.
    Cottonwood Barbie: This Barbie is usually found shopping in her Lulu lemon yoga outfit with her snowboarding, shaggy-haired boyfriend Ken. On
    weekends, you can find this Barbie babe at the Porcupine Grill with a swarm of Barbie friends and a grande, double shot, skinny, sugar-free vanilla latte. You can purchase this Barbie's poor boy cap and torn Levi's for her laid-back days.
    The Avenues Barbie: This 'Princess Barbie' is only sold at The GateWay.
    She comes with assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a two million dollar house. Options include tummy tuck, face-lift, Spa certificates, and a workaholic, cheating Dr. Ken.
    West Valley Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels And tinted windows. Methadone Clinic Ken included. Also available with Orange overalls.
    Tooele Barbie: This model wears Wrangler jeans two sizes too small And a
    NASCAR shirt. Accessories include a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank,
    Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's a$$ when she's
    drunk. A pickup is available with Country KSOP bumper stickers.
    Trolley Square Barbie: Trolley Square Barbie comes with a Mini Cooper and a $200,000 bachelorette pad. She likes to lunch on a salad at Gastronomy restaurants most days and carries her Chihuahua, named Pookie, in her handbag. This Barbie takes Pookie to her job downtown as an analyst. Also available: numerous Platinum credit cards and Shallow-Ken.
    Ogden Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has not learned
    that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless without breaking a
    heel and falling while you chase your mullet-wearing boyfriend. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, with assorted g-strings that stick out the back, and a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached and BIG. Accessories include: a 1996 Camaro Z-28 and a CD-player equipped with vintage Ozzy.
    Federal Heights Barbie: This Barbie has recently been divorced. She comes
    with Ken's car, Ken's house and Ken's cabin in Park City.
    Wendover Barbie: This Barbie is a bitter broad. She's in her late 30's but
    a lifetime of beer and cigarettes have left her looking ten years older.
    She's recently lost her gig at the Golden Fleece. It's pretty bad when the
    worst strip joint in Utah tells you 'sorry honey, you just sag too much
    now.' This Barbie comes with a 1988 Ford Taurus with broken air
    conditioning. She also comes with thirty-five assorted wigs in all styles
    and colors. She hopes to land a position dealing Blackjack at whatever
    casino passes for the Stateline this week. Additional accessories include
    a variety of costumes and rhinestone jewelry. This Barbie may also open
    Wendover's first pole-dancing class to teach desperate women how to strip
    for their man. Bonus - Truck stop layover Ken is included.
    Magna Barbie: The Magna Barbie lives in a red brick tract home built in
    the 1940s for a Kennecott Copper worker. She inherited it from her
    grandmother. The house is falling to pieces around her ears. This Barbie
    comes with Handyman Ken and his 1977 camper converted into a work truck. Accessories include all Ken's tools, even a mini arc welding set and tiny little pipes to reconstruct Barbie's kitchen and bathroom. You can select from a Ken with or without 'plumber's crack.' Special feature, Magna Barbie also speaks Spanish and has a lifetime pit pass to the Bonneville Raceway and a collection of Elvis mementos purchased from QVC.
    St. George Barbie: The St. George Barbie is our oldest Utah Barbie. But
    don't let her fool you! Granny's still got a lot of gas left in her tank.
    Gramps is dead and Granny has sold the house and most of her stuff and has bought a condo in St. George. Now Granny's days are filled with brunches with the girls in the morning, then a nap, and then late afternoon
    tee-times. Oldster Barbie loves golf and her accessories include a golf
    cart and a set of pro-quality clubs. St. George Barbie only goes back up to
    Salt Lake to see her children and grandchildren at Christmas and Mother's Day. The rest of the time Granny is a real swinger. St. George Barbie comes with smarmy Condo Association president Ken, and Pool Boy Ken as well. Also included is a hand embroidered throw pillow with the quote 'What Happens in St. George Stays in St. George.'
    Utah County Barbie: This barbie comes dressed in a Blue "Y" Sweatshirt and baggy sweats. She also has a UVSC sticker on the back of her SUV full of kids. She loves to scrapbook and make green jello salads. She rarely has any fun, as there is nothing to do in Utah County, but she does come equiped with a deck of Bunko cards and a $10 bill for her next game. "Zoobie"Ken is STILL attending BYU and comes equiped with a backpack full of books, as he cannot decide on a major, and likes the "atmosphere" of the Y. Utah County Barbie has a hard time socializing with any of the Salt Lake County Barbie's as once she's past the point of the mountain it's all Salt Lake to her.
    /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     
  2. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Moab Barbie: Smacking Fenders with a big hammer in a dickies jumpsuit in 104 degree weather and smiling

    I dunno, just came to mind.....
     
  3. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    WTF, I, live in west valley city! /forums/images/graemlins/angryfire.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     
  4. 87BrnRsd

    87BrnRsd 1/2 ton status

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    I guess you have to be from UT to get it. /forums/images/graemlins/dunno.gif
    -Harrison
     
  5. unclematty

    unclematty 1/2 ton status

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    Yeah, it's pretty much a Utah thing /forums/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif
     
  6. stallion85

    stallion85 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
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    Damn Utanians /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
     
  7. tomseviltwin

    tomseviltwin 1/2 ton status

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    Location:
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    Bountiful Barbie: Sits perched at her front window passing judgement on all her unrighteous nieghbors. Refuses to park in the Sears parking lot at the mall. Uses church as a forum for gossiping. All her kids carry their scriptures around, have sex, and take drugs. Accesories include prozac and late model mini-van.
     
  8. 1-ton

    1-ton 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    Location:
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    Las Vegas Barbie:

    Single mother with three children, all from three different men.

    Works the graveyard shift as a Keno runner for a downtown casino.

    Lives in a Section-8 two bedroom subsidized apartment

    Smokes two packs of generic brand cigarettes a day.

    Drives a 5-year-old Hyundai worth $2,600, but owes $10,000 on it because it was the only loan she could get with her credit.

    Every man she has ever had a relationship with is in prison.

    Considers herself a Democrat, but has never voted in her life.

    Her children have never seen a live cow or chicken that was not on TV.

    Her teenage son has pierced every part of his body.

    Her idea of a good time is sitting in front of a nickel poker machine with a comped drink and a fresh pack of GPC Menthol 100's.
     
  9. uao85

    uao85 1/2 ton status

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    Yeah, here is the little old lady from pasedena barbie

    She lived in a little apartment

    had 2 corvettes(70 stingray 427, and 87 convert.

    smoked 2 packs a day

    would not think twice about telling off a complete stranger who looks at her funny

    refers to anybody as "punk ass kid"

    thinks her dog is racist

    watches re-runs of old tv shows from the 70s

    always tells cool stories from during the cold war

    and every night before bed drink a huge glass of vodka/grapefruit juice

    Man I miss my grandma

    Remington
     

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