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Wedding ettiquette, (rehearsal dinner)?? And in-law advice

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by az-k5, Feb 10, 2007.

  1. az-k5

    az-k5 1/2 ton status

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    Background.

    So I am getting married in may.
    Been together for nearly 5 years.
    Big wedding party (7 bridesmaids, 7 groomsmen).
    Big wedding (250+ on the invite list).
    Living together since august.


    -Her parents are covering wedding reception and ceremony.
    -My parents are covering rehearsal dinner and honey moon.


    ----->Question<-----

    With nearly 40 people on the basic rehearsal dinner list (wedding party + significant others, our parents, clergy, etc) my parents had asked to keep the invite to those in the wedding (no extended family or out of towner's). She has 10 people (aunts/uncles/cousins) coming from out of town and her parents are very upset about the situation. My parents wish for the limit not out of money but to keep the evening a little more intimate and give the parents more time to meet the wedding party (We all live in the same city, 'cept my best man) and hold not feel rushed to mingle with 50+ people.

    I am offering to host a dinner at our house the night before the rehearsal with her out of towner's and close family.

    Her parents are taking the position of all out of town guests at the rehearsal dinner or they won't go. Basically all or none.

    How should I negotiate this situation? I have read for over an hour on the rehearsal invite etiquette and the census is out of town invites are optional.

    Thank you.

    God, what a wonderful start.

    PS she says no western tux, is there a non yuppie tux that won't be "hick" but I can get away with boots?
     
  2. AKbigsub

    AKbigsub 1/2 ton status Premium Member

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    The cut and dry answer would be for your folks to have the say-so on the out of towners. The tactful thing to do would be to get all the parents together and have them talk it out (with you and your girl there for support). If out of town guests are optional, then your future in-laws should respect that.
    The most important thing for them all to remember is that this is not their day, it is yours and your fiance's. Congratulations and good luck.
     
  3. pauly383

    pauly383 Daddy383 Staff Member Moderator

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    I just kept my mouth shut and let the women do everything . So I have no advice . I was just glad to get to use my wallet chain to kinda be myself in the suit .
     
  4. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    Rehearsal dinner is for those who need to rehearse their roles in the wedding ceremony - hence the name.. you aren't obligated to have anyone else there, so you are within the bounds of etiquette to limit the number of guests.

    Although limiting the guest list has nothing to do with money, it's the only reasoning people can't argue with, so in this case it might be a good idea to lie in the name of family harmony..

    and by all means, get married in your boots.. I did.. I also have worn my boots in every wedding I've been in as a groomsman or best man... They should be nice boots though,use the occasion to get some fancy ones..

    Tom
     
  5. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Is that like "die with your boots on"?:D
     
  6. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

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    same difference ya know...

    i say, if you and your wife didnt invite them, why should they come? if her parents are inviting people to your wedding/rehearsal...fine if they pay, says me, but since your parents are paying, and even though it isnt a money thing, i say its up to you and your fiancee and your parents...

    i like your idea of compromise for dinner, was that offer not accepted?
     
  7. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I agree with Pauly - stay out of it.
     
  8. bowtiepower00

    bowtiepower00 1/2 ton status

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    It's your wedding, you should choose. That being said, it sounds like you're pretty much screwed no matter which way you go. Sounds like you need to get drunk for a few months. May is far enough away for people to change travel arraingments, if they've already made them.

    If you don't really care, then stay outta things because women care about this stuff way more then men do.

    A wedding is in my future too (been together for 7 years) but I keep putting it off. Vegas sounds better everyday. That, or becoming a Bachelor for Life...
     
  9. fabjunkie

    fabjunkie 1/2 ton status

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    My situation was exactly the same but not as many people. My mom had a problem with paying for all the exended family dinners too. She then agreed to pay for everyone's dinner but not drinks (alcohol). She gave me a set amount of $ for the evening and it came up quite a bit lower with a generous tip included (I think it was less than $350 total for about 20 people at PF Changs) when all was said and done. And this was in Vegas! No one had a problem paying for their own drinks. Good luck!
     
  10. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    What is it, 5-6 hours to Vegas?

    That's the answer.

    :D :D :D
     
  11. az-k5

    az-k5 1/2 ton status

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    I tried. She won't go for that. I kinda like the drinks idea.

    Me and the in-laws got to sit down and talk about it tonight. It is more a clash of culture. They are from Wisconsin and have small town ideals. My parents are all for the new age, you have a job, do it yourself mentality. I am gonna use that when they go into a home (you had a job, do it yourself :eek1::haha:)

    Now my parents and I get to hash it out. Any good counter points I can make as to why they should allow the close out of town guests?

    (I don't think the Mens Warehouse knows what boots are BTW). We'll see
     
  12. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

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    mens wearhouse lmao.. i went there with an old suit, and they said "come back when you lose some weight and we can help you with this one" LMAO
     

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