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When Insults Had Class

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by cbbr, Sep 12, 2006.

  1. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices
    I admire."
    -- Winston Churchill

    "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
    -- Winston Churchill

    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
    with great pleasure."
    -- Clarence Darrow

    "He has never been known to use a word that might send a
    reader to the dictionary."
    -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

    "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from
    big words?"
    -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

    "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste
    no time reading it."
    -- Moses Hadas

    "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of
    any man I know."
    -- Abraham Lincoln

    "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't
    it."
    -- Groucho Marx

    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter
    saying I approved of it."
    -- Mark Twain

    "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his
    friends."
    -- Oscar Wilde

    "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new
    play, bring a friend... if you have one."
    -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

    "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
    if there is one."
    -- Winston Churchill, in response

    "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having
    you here."
    -- Stephen Bishop

    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
    -- John Bright

    "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's
    nothing trivial."
    -- Irvin S. Cobb

    "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness
    in others."
    -- Samuel Johnson

    "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
    -- Paul Keating

    "He had delusions of adequacy."
    -- Walter Kerr

    "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't
    cure."
    -- Jack E. Leonard

    "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
    -- Robert Redford

    "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the
    sum of human knowledge."
    -- Thomas Brackett Reed

    "He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears,
    but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
    -- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

    "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded
    easily."
    -- Charles, Count Talleyrand

    "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
    -- Forrest Tucker

    "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
    address on it?"
    -- Mark Twain

    "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
    -- Mae West

    "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever
    they go."
    -- Oscar Wilde

    "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...
    for support rather than illumination."
    -- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

    "He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
    -- Billy Wilder


     
  2. gjk5

    gjk5 3/4 ton status

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    those are pretty damn good.
     
  3. bigjbear

    bigjbear 1 ton status Staff Member Moderator

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    Some of those are great.

    Maybe that is why I like reading Hemingway so much. (Hmm, what does that say about me?)
     
  4. kyser_soze

    kyser_soze 1/2 ton status

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    "He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
    -- John Bright


    He must have known Timmay
     
  5. MattK

    MattK 1/2 ton status

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    those were great!
     
  6. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

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    that is some of the funniest stuff i have ever read!!!!!!!thank you for some great quotes to use at work.
     
  7. thezentree

    thezentree 3/4 ton status

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    Lady at a party to Churchill: "Winston, you're DRUNK!"
    Churchill to lady at a party: "Yes, madam, and you are ugly. But in the morning I shall be sober."


    That guy was sharp as a tack.
     
  8. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    The king...

    Watched a special on Rodney Dangerfield last night..he was one of the kings of stand up,and had hundreds of "insult"jokes,like ...

    "Is that your face,or 5 lbs of SCAR tissue?!"..

    "When you were born,the doctor slapped your MOTHERS FACE!..
    "I told my wife YOUR the inspiration for twin beds!"...:haha:

    I loved that guy--his humor is legendary,and his appearences in movies like "Easy Money" were hilarious!..only Don Rickles rivaled him when it came to insult jokes...I'll miss the man who "never got any respect"..:(
     
  9. southernspeed

    southernspeed 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I was thinking of this one too. Excellent. I'm so waiting for the opertunity to use it!:D
     

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