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When theres someone you wish you could help so much, but dont know how...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by mountainexplorer, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    My friends cousin is going through difficult times. She's 17, and a very good person deep down. But I've had an opportunity to kind of read up on some of the things she's writing and thinking and it just makes my heart sink. It's like she's lost and nothing really makes her feel good about anything. Seems like some of the people she is around just aren't truly helping here out.

    Some of the things I've seen written really scare me... kind of like a turn away from those things that she was involved in and believed in when she was younger; a turn towards things in my book are bad. And I wish I could help, but theres really not much I can do. I can't be a best bud or anything... I'm a 24 year old caveman and she's a 17 year old woman growing up with her peers. She's such a smart person too.

    There's just alot of certain people I truly care about, and it just breaks my heart to see some inner pain in any of them, and not know how to help. Especially in a way that's not obvious... when others have tried to help, it comes off too much like sympathy. That's not what she wants or will respond well too. I guess all I can do is sit back and whenever circumstances permit, do or say what come naturally and hope in some small way it's a positive impact.
     
  2. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Engage in unrelated conversation for a couple times, and start letting her know you can be trusted, and a person to turn to if she's down.
     
  3. Zeus33rd

    Zeus33rd Smarter than you GMOTM Winner

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    You gotta quit refering to yourself as a caveman... You're sooooo far from bein a cave man. What caveman cares about the things the way you do? No more modesty from you young man. :D
     
  4. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    I'm pretty sure she knows she can trust me. In certain ways though. But I kind of feel that in other ways, she doesn't trust anyone... or does put trust in people and they are the wrong people who break her heart. It's just frustrating.

    A few years ago she was doing ok, and hanging out with us who never did "bad" things, and liked going out in trucks and 4-wheeling and camping. Then she went from a cute innocent teenager to a goth chick, doing anything to rebel. I know theres a deep emotional scar from when your little brother was killed. They were very close, and she was young and I don't think ever truly recovered. There's no real way that I or anyone can "fix" that... but what I can tell she's been doing lately certainly won't make her any better in the long run. It truly scares me.
     
  5. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    I'm in the same situation on a few levels, first you win thier admiration, then respect, then thier hearts, then you win thier trust, then they tak what you say seriously.
     
  6. Leper

    Leper 1/2 ton status

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    Now you have become her brother/father/best friend. Fine if you are really trying to help. Horrible no-way-back if you are trying to get into a relationship.
     
  7. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

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    I know exactly what you mean, brother... I think any compassionate person who sees a friend, or even just someone they know hurting, the initial reaction/desire is to find a way to help.

    It's hard to watch happen, but sometimes people will fall down hard and get more damage before they heal. If you can stop that decay, great, but if you can't, and sometimes you really can't, you just gotta pray they come out of it renewed and back on the right track.

    If you want to stay on her good side, ignore what she's doing with her life (unless it's something obviously bad, like drugs/alcohol, self-mutilation, watching Michael Moore films). Focus on positive forward motion ("what college are you thinking about, career, wanna help me carry a D60"), don't dwell on how crappy she's doing as a person and the poor decisions she's making in friends or music taste or whatever.
    If you can hang out with her or get time with her, focus on better influential thought-provoking or consuming activites, maybe wheeling.
    If you think she's spiralling because of emotional trauma, maybe you can draw it out of her without hurting her, but really, the most important thing is to let her know you're not against her and that you're someone she can lean on. She's not going to rebel against someone that doesn't treat her rebellion like it's rebellion...

    If nothing is really possible from your side, just find ways to let her know you care about her, don't judge her, and are available to her as a person. You never know when the day may come up that you get your chance to help in a way you wouldn't have expected at all.
     
  8. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    What? That works for anything.
     
  9. mountainexplorer

    mountainexplorer 1/2 ton status

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    She just hasn't been very responsive lately. Like I asked her if she could help be one of the gateskeepers/entry fee takers for our mud races, and she never did follow through; Not that I needed her in particular, but I was trying to give her a job that she used to like doing in the past that would keep her doing something good, and maybe remind her that we still have fun.

    She just hasn't hung out with us normal... well, non-satanic at least, group of people. It's like she's stuck with the weird scary people who tend to be into anything and everything bad.
     

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