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Why do people consistently disappoint me?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Can Can, Nov 9, 2005.

  1. Can Can

    Can Can Pusher Man Staff Member Super Moderator

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    I don't usually post whiny stuff like this, but something happened tonight that kind of got me down.:( Details aside, why, as I grow older, do I find that I have less and less tolerance for people who live their lives with little consideration for other's feelings?

    I'm far from perfect, but I'd like to think that I live my life on the up-and-up. I work hard, I stand behind my principles regardless of the consequences, I help others in need whenever I can, and I do my best to be a loving and supportive father and husband. Sure, I can be a stubborn focker, as some of you know, but I would like to think that in general I'm pretty selfless, and I do my best to be there when people need me, no-strings-attached. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the concept of friendship is a big thing with me.

    It seems that nowadays I encounter so many people who are strictly looking out for #1. This includes people who I've know for a long time who, for whatever reason, get so wrapped up in thier own lives that they can somehow forget about words like "loyalty" and "commitment". As long as my presence or opinion or knowledge or abilities can help them out or bolster their self-image or lifestyle, I'm a part of thier life. Once I am no longer "useful", it was as if I didn't exist. And, to make matters worse, some of these so-called friends still have the balls to try and be my "buddy" from time to time, just in case at some time in the future I may be useful again.

    Just in case anyone is wondering, NO, I'm not talking about any of my fellow CK5ers. In fact, some of you out there are better friends than some of the people I have known for years in person.

    Anyhow, I don't think I really had any point, other than I needed an outlet to vent. I'm sure, however, that some of you can probably identify with what I'm talking about. If you've got this far, thanks for reading........
     
  2. TSGB

    TSGB 1 ton status

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    Well hell, isn't this exactly what I paid 25 bucks for? :haha:

    Trust me, I know the story about one-sided friendships. I haven't had a decent family, so I turned and made one. I'm always there for my friends when they need me, dropping things that are important to lend an ear for a little of their drama.

    Heh, about a month ago, I got a mysterious message from one of my friends to meet him at a certain time, certain place. Couldn't get a hold of him, and found out a number of other people had gotten the same message. I dressed ready for a night brawl, got there to find out another friend was back in town. What a work up!
     
  3. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

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    Know who your true friends are, and love them forever

    The hard part is knowing, the love, it comes easy
     
  4. sledheadak

    sledheadak 1/2 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    people as a rule SUCK!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:
     
  5. txfiremank5

    txfiremank5 1/2 ton status

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    Usually the best thing to do is just to sort of make a mental note to yourself.. and keep a running tally. I've often found it's not worth ending a friendship over.. but when I've been taken advantage of by a friend, time and again.. I simply don't allow them, or myself, to be put into that situation again. If they stop by and say hello.. cool, call me up .. cool... ask me to come over and do this or that .. sorry, I've got something else going on. It sounds dickish.. but they sort of made it that way by screwing you over.. so I can get over it pretty quick. ;) I don't let it stop me from helping someone else in need.. but when/if they start pulling something like that.. after a few times, I start to keep that mental tally again.

    It's about the simpliest way I have found to try to be a "friend" without being stand-offish from others.. or simply walking away.

    I had a friend burn me for about 300 bucks once. We did a job together (before I was in the FD) and he paid me a little of the "up front" money and a little more when he got paid by the owners. I never saw the rest. I was young, and newly wed, and needed every penny at the time.. but I wasn't going to let it ruin a friendship of approx 15 years at the time. So, I mentioned it once, and he didn't agree that was what I was owed, and I let it be... knowing different. Soon after he rarely called or came by, and over the weeks - months I saw less and less of him. I think it was because he knew I was right, and was probably ashamed of himself. But, I still was ready to move on like it didn't happen... but he never really gave me the chance. I guess it just goes to show that even people you know the best are capable of turning on a dime... which is truely a shame. I'm often quick to anger.. and will be ready for a fight at the drop of a hat.. but with those I know are good folks, I'm strangley passive, just to avoid some nasty fight over something trival... and usually don't hold any grudge.

    But, you're right, too many people are only looking out for themselves. I guess I let them pull their "junk" and get away with it, at times, so I know I can still feel "in the right". It often means taking some sort of hit.. but i guess I can take it.. it's better, I think, than sinking to thier level and following along with the "scumbag" way of of thinking.

    I guess, in the end... being a nice person means every so often you going to stick you hand out in friendship... and some asshat's going to bite it. But to me, it's worth the risk. It's better than being some miser who looks at everyone/everthing as a way to get something for themselves. :dunno:
     
  6. 4by4bygod

    4by4bygod 1/2 ton status

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    Paul.. yer better off just getting all new friends, rather than fretting over the people who take you for granted.

    Keep the people that treat you good, then forget the phone numbers of everyone else.

    It sucks to be in that situation, bro.. I've made the mistake of not cutting ties when people take me for granted, or stirred up crap, and it's cost me. mostly in wasted time dealing with everyones drama.

    At the time, I thouight I was being the true friend by sticking with someone through thick and thin.. boy howdy, was I a dumbass.

    Now, I have a small group of friends who are like brothers to me, and we're all of the same mind as to the right way to treat people. ( not forgetting my peeps on here, you know who you are )

    It was suprisingly easy to weed out the idiots.. for the most part, I just quit calling and returning their calls, and only had to confront one person..

    One of the more freeing actions I've taken in my life.

    Tom
     
  7. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I have a small group of true friends, most of whom I went to school with and grew up with. The guys that are always there, don't ever count who owes what (money or otherwise) would give you the shirt off of their backs and trust you implicitly. Period.

    The others are friends, fun to hang with, but they come and go. Don't let it get you down. As the saying goes - Friends are like roses...you have to look out for the pricks.
     
  8. mudjunkie 82

    mudjunkie 82 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    I run into a similair situation all the time, these so called friends that you never see untill they need something call needing their a/c fixed then expect you to do it for free. now I screen all my phone calls and do not call them back, who needs them.............
     
  9. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

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    The reason they disappoint you is very simple. You set the same standards for your friends that you impose upon yourself. Like you, the older I get, the greater the shortcomings I see in my "friends". I just consider them entertainment, and not any type of support, cause they will NOT be there when you need them.
     
  10. Bubba Ray Boudreaux

    Bubba Ray Boudreaux 1 ton status

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    You need to lower your expectations of people, then it you won't be disappointed as much................................. :D

    Reminds me of a saying from long ago:

    "An acquaintance is someone that who'll sit around the campfire drinking a beer with ya. A friend, which is family, will join you on the field of battle when it's you and him against the legions of Rome. The friend will not only stand side by side with you, but will dress your wounds, cover your back and carry you off the battleground if need be."
     
  11. Russell

    Russell LB7 Tahoe Status Premium Member GMOTM Winner

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    Thats why I just don't have any friends :eek1:


    lol :D Actually, I've got a small group of freinds, only 4 that I regularly hang out with, I'd give the shirt off my back to any of them, and I know they'd do the same for me.

    All the guys I knew growing up were just like the people you describe, only called when they needed something, and never thought to give me a shout when they went on a camping trip, wheeling trip or something.

    When I was in highschool, I had a group of friends that totalled to 20 some kids, since grad, I've only seen the 4 of them since :)
     
  12. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    A nerve has been struck!..

    Can,I can relate to your feelings more than words can express..I had only 2 "best" friends,ones that I would rely on..and even one of them I had my doubts about at times..both of them are dead,they died of heart diseases at the ripe old age of 36,..11 years ago... :(

    All the "friends" I've had since are completely one sided for the most part..
    I always have to go to them if I want their company,they never come to my house..when I ask why,its always "the wife and kid keep me busy--I'm too tired after working all day,--I never go anywhere after work"..yada,yada,yada,....but at least they don't come begging for money,help,or looking for something I have they can use to their advantage,like many other so called "friends" do,then dissapear..they do however,find time to spend with their other friends--the ones who treat them much the same way I get treated by them!.. :screwy:

    I'm getting used to being alone--and in ways,I kind of like it..I get irritated with people very quickly lately,when I have to put up with their personality disorders..many people only pretend to be a "friend" just to get what they want for themselves out of you--then its "Adios,SUCKER!"..until they need something else..

    You may have read my "Sucky Saturday Night" post a few days ago--telling how a ghost from my past has come back to haunt me again,after being told to stay away several times...its sad I might have to get a restraining order against a mental case that I mistook as a "friend" many,many, years ago!..after dealing with this jerk,I could care less if I EVER have any more "friends"..people are just F***** in the head nowadays.. :doah: :mad: :(
     
  13. mikey_d05

    mikey_d05 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

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    Ok, I have to say that people looking out for themselves only breeds the same attitude in other people. After being used several times you're bound to get sick of it, get pissed off, and start watching out for yourself and yourself only. I've pretty much stopped doing people favors because when I ask something of certain people it always gets sidestepped. I've given someone from school numerous rides home (their hometown is between mine and school) and never asked for a cent of gas money. They came home with me one weekend (they drove) and stayed in our house, ate our food, and had the nerve to ask for gas money when we got back because they drove.

    One of the guys I grew up, graduated, and have gone to numerous concerts with, (not to mention lives in the same building) is in the process of trying to screw me out of $40 at the moment. Shows what history does for ya.

    I've had lots of bad experiences with people, and those bad experiences have led me to treat people I meet with the same lack of enthusiasm until they've proven well beyond a resonable doubt that they're trustworthy. I know I come off as a cold prick, but if someone cares enough to get to know me (and is intelligent enough to understand sarcasm) they're generally the type of person I want to get to know.

    That being said, I have two true friends, one of whom is a family member and the other is well over three hours away now. I wouldn't trade either of them for the world and my only wish is that I could do more for them.
     
  14. SkulzNBonz

    SkulzNBonz 1/2 ton status

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    Definition of a friend: one who will bail you out of jail.

    Definition of a true friend: one who is sitting next to you in the cell saying "Well, we screwed up this time!"

    I understand what you are talking about Paul. Someone already said that we project our values on others, and then are disappointed when they don't live up to them. Like Bubba said "Lower your standards!"
    The only really good (best?) friends I have are a couple of buddies from the service. I can count on them 100% of the time, and one lives over 500 miles away!!!

    John
     
  15. K5Steve

    K5Steve 1/2 ton status

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    My last "true friend"tried to get with my wife after we had been friends for about 10 years and hanging out with each other everyday.Ever since I haven't been able to trust anybody so I am kind of affraid to get close to anybody anymore.I would do anything for a real friend but like said in the first post,it seems like more and more people are out for #1.That's one reason I frequint these forums,to make some friends that I can go wheeling with and just shoot the sh*t.I try to treat people as nice as I can but the moment I get treated like crap I am done.
     
  16. ak bandit

    ak bandit 1/2 ton status

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    I know how you feel Paul. Sometimes I ask myself "doesnt anybody have morals these days?"...Here are a few quotes that I have printed in my office. They help to keep me in check sometimes...

    You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims. ~Harriet Woods

    A man is usually more careful of his money than of his principles. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr

    Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. ~William Faulkner

    The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism. ~Norman Vincent Peale

    The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck.
     
  17. K5Steve

    K5Steve 1/2 ton status

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    Another good one is "better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for who you're not".That's from a new country song,I think it's "help somebody"can't remeber who though.
     
  18. diesel4me

    diesel4me 1 ton status Premium Member

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    Song..

    Thats "Help Somebody" By Van Zant ..good tune,but their Sony CD installs irremoveable spyware on your computer!.. :doah: :mad: :eek1:
     
  19. camiswelding

    camiswelding 1/2 ton status

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    family... and about the amount of fingers you have on one hand.////\\\

    thats how many people you can truely trust.....
     
  20. divorced

    divorced 3/4 ton status

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    J/K... I think I know what you mean. I have a "friend" who hardly ever answers his phone or returns my calls, then a week or so goes by and he will call... only to ask for a favor. When he calls, he says "Hey, haven't heard from you lately, you haven't called for a while". Of course I haven't, you never answer your phone. I have given this guy tons of parts for free through the years and helped him work on his trucks, but he rarely would come to my house to help me. Ok, I'm done whining now too :haha:
     

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