Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE t-shirt and membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

Windows Source Code (Geek warning)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Goober, Apr 21, 2004.

  1. Goober

    Goober 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2002
    Posts:
    2,222
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Mayberry (Auburn, WA)
    #include <microsoft/stdio.h>

    #include "win31.h"
    #include "win95.h"
    #include "evenmore.h"
    #include "oldstuff.h"
    #include "billrulz.h"
    #define INSTALL HARD

    char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

    void read_partition_table(void)
    {
    write_new_partition_table();
    write_W98_boot_loader(EXTREME_PREJUDICE);
    }

    void set_time(void)
    {
    read_BIOS_clock();

    if (test_cpu_temperature() > 80)
    set_BIOS_clock_to_summertime();
    else
    set_BIOS_clock_to_GMT(); /* Gates Microsoft Time */

    /* Since windows assumes the BIOS clock isn't universal
    time ...
    */
    windows_clock = ((bios_clock + rand(24)) % 24) * PI;

    if (user_complains())
    {
    remind_user_that_bugs_arent_going_to_be_fixed();
    popup_and_recommend_user_buys_windows_y2k_defiant();
    }
    }

    void check_mail(void)
    {
    int i;

    for (i = 0; i < num_mail_messages_unread; i++)
    if (strstr(UnreadMail.Subject, "GOOD TIMES") ||
    strstr(UnreadMail.Subject, "JOIN THE CREW"))
    start_microsoft_frontpage_97(REMOVE_WEB_SITE, "C:\")
    }

    void if_modem(void)
    {
    if (default_browser() != IE40)
    {
    dump_netscape();
    set_invalid_host("www.netscape.com", ALWAYS);
    download_latest_patch(IE40);
    install_ie40();
    associate_file_type(".BMP", IE40);
    associate_file_type(".JPG", IE40);
    ....
    ....
    associate_file_type(".EXE", IE40);
    default_mail_reader = WORD97;
    }

    mail_system_registry_to_microsoft();

    remove_current_isp();
    set_current_isp("WWW.MSN.COM", CHARGE_BAND_PREMIUM_RATE);

    if (sun_microsystems_java())
    {
    remove_sun_microsystems_java();
    install_microsoft_hacked_java_instead();
    }

    check_mail();
    }

    void hex_dump(void)
    {
    for (y=0; y< 32; y++)
    {
    for (x=0; x<20; x++)
    {
    printf("Ox00%c%c", hex(rand(16)),
    hex(rand(16)));
    }
    printf("\n");
    }
    }

    void blue_screen_of_death(void)
    {
    set_screen_color(BLUE);
    hex_dump();
    }

    void create_general_protection_fault(void)
    {
    switch (rand(4))
    {
    case 1:
    display_general_protection_fault(WORD97);
    break;
    case 2:
    display_general_protection_fault(EXCELL);
    break;
    case 3:
    display_general_protection_fault(IE40);
    break;
    default:
    blue_screen_of_death();
    break;
    }
    }

    void main()
    {
    read_partition_table();
    if_modem();

    while(!CRASHED)
    {
    display_copyright_message();
    display_bill_rules_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    if (first_time_installation)
    {
    make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
    do_nothing_loop();
    totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
    search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
    hang_system();
    }
    write_something(anything);
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_some_stuff();
    if (still_not_crashed)
    {
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    basically_run_windows_3.1();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_nothing_loop();
    }
    }

    if (detect_cache())
    disable_cache();

    if (fast_cpu())
    {
    set_wait_states(lots);
    set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
    set_mouse(action, jumpy);
    set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
    }

    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
    /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
    printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
    if (system_ok())
    crash(to_dos_prompt);
    else
    system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

    while(something)
    {
    sleep(5);
    get_user_input();
    sleep(5);
    act_on_user_input();
    sleep(5);
    }
    create_general_protection_fault();
    }
     
  2. 75-K5

    75-K5 3/4 ton status

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2002
    Posts:
    5,353
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Anderson, Indiana
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif That is a gem!
     
  3. newyorkin

    newyorkin 1 ton status

    Joined:
    May 8, 2001
    Posts:
    16,555
    Likes Received:
    157
    Location:
    Los Estados Unitos
    [ QUOTE ]
    get_user_input();
    sleep(5);
    act_on_user_input();
    sleep(5);

    [/ QUOTE ]

    That explains it!
     
  4. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2000
    Posts:
    4,389
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    PA
    [ QUOTE ]
    write_something(anything);
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_some_stuff();
    if (still_not_crashed)
    {
    display_copyright_message();
    do_nothing_loop();
    basically_run_windows_3.1();
    do_nothing_loop();
    do_nothing_loop();
    }
    }


    [/ QUOTE ]

    No wonder my computer runs so damn slow! /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  5. 84gmcjimmy

    84gmcjimmy 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2003
    Posts:
    12,838
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    B.C. CANADA
    /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif
     
  6. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2002
    Posts:
    16,870
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Austin, TX
    for the slightest of seconds I thought "yeah wouldn't that be cool if the first place the windows source code was FINALLY found and put out was here /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif"
     

Share This Page