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Work rules....getting tougher..

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by chevyracing, Oct 12, 2002.

  1. chevyracing

    chevyracing 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2001
    Posts:
    2,589
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    Location:
    Colorado
    DRESS CODE:
    It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary,
    if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers & carrying a $600 Gucci bag,
    we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not
    need a raise.

    SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness.
    If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

    SURGERY:
    Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
    need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We
    hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of
    employment.

    PERSONAL DAYS:
    Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
    Saturday & Sunday.

    VACATION DAYS:
    All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The
    vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

    BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
    This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
    dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made
    to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases
    where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
    scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you
    to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour
    early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

    OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
    This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least
    two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

    RESTROOM USE:
    Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the
    future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
    For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A will go from
    8 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20
    to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time,
    it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn
    comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time
    with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must
    approve this exchange.

    LUNCH BREAK:
    Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so
    that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for
    lunch to get a balance meal to maintain their average figure. Fat
    people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed
    to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.

    Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide
    a positive employment experience. Have a nice week.
     
  2. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2001
    Posts:
    32,076
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    Location:
    .
    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif

    I'm gonna have to send that to my boss! /forums/images/graemlins/thumb.gif
     
  3. chevyracing

    chevyracing 1/2 ton status

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2001
    Posts:
    2,589
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    0
    Location:
    Colorado
    Some of it is not far from the truth..
     

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