A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies: "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before." "Find Amelia Earhart yet?" "Can you hear me NOW?" "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!" "You know, in some states, we're now legally married." "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?" "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...." "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!" "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!" "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?" AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE... "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"