Dear Saddam Hussein and Sons; remaining Taliban and Osama Bin Laden: We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule, that there are no rules, we look forward to playing without them for the first time. Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY. While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your diamond now... Batter up! Our team line up is as follows: Club Owner ~ God Manager ~ George W. Bush Ass't Manager ~ Dick Cheney Head Coach ~ Colin Powell Assistant Coach ~ Donald Rumsfeld Starting Pitcher ~ Tommy Franks 1st Base ~ U. S. Marine Corps 2nd Base ~ U. S. Navy 3rd Base ~ U.S. Air Force Shortstop and clean up hitter ~ U. S. Army Outfield ~ Firemen and Policemen Umpire ~ None Required - remember - the manager gave you ample time to forfeit the game. Now it's too late for discussion. He told you there'll be no further negotiations or diplomacy! Pinch hitters as needed ~ U.S. Navy SEALS U.S. Army Green Berets U.S. Army Rangers U.S. Air Force PJs Delta Force And, since there are no rules, we've decided to add: 4th Base ~ United Kingdom and 5th Base ~ Spain Opening Ceremonies: Vocal 1: The Star Spangled Banner. Ya'll stand, face the American flag and place your right hand over your heart and sing. Vocal 2: Lee Greenwood ~ God Bless The U.S.A. Vocal 3: Neil Diamond ~ Comin' To America Vocal 4: Bruce Springstein ~ Born In The U.S.A. Vocal 5: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir ~ Battle Hymn of the Republic You may choose whoever you want for your team ... France I know has been coaching you and Germany, Russia and China will at least be cheering for you. You can even get the Dixie Chicks to sing your national anthem. You might even find some human shields in Hollywood. There are many EX-movie stars who seem to really love you. I'm sure they would like to play on your team and we'll be glad to let you have them. It won't really matter how many useful idiots you get on your side and (even if you all shave), our guys are gonna win!!! Sincerely. On behalf of the 270,000,000 Citizens of the United States of America P.S. May we recommend at this time that you give your soul to Allah; 'cause your ass is ours! Goodbye!