Abbot & Costello take on the 21st century and computers

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BurbLover, Nov 12, 2003.

  1. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

    Jul 31, 2001
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    SW Missouri
    ABBOT: Computer Support Group. Can I help you?
    COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.

    ABBOT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.

    ABBOT: Your computer?
    COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOT: Mac?
    COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.

    ABBOT: What about Windows?
    COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?

    ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
    COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?

    ABBOT: Wallpaper.
    COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

    ABBOT: Software that runs on Windows?
    COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?

    ABBOT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

    ABBOT: I just did.
    COSTELLO: You just did what?

    ABBOT: Recommended something.
    COSTELLO: You recommended something?

    ABBOT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: For my office?

    ABBOT: Yes.
    COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOT: Office.
    COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.

    ABBOT: Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

    ABBOT: Word.
    COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?

    ABBOT: Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOT: The Word in Office.
    COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

    ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"

    ABBOT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
    COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?

    ABBOT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?

    ABBOT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?

    ABBOT: Of course.
    COSTELLO: Great! With what?

    ABBOT: Real One.
    COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

    ABBOT: You click the blue 1.
    COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

    ABBOT: The blue 1.
    COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?

    ABBOT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word.
    COSTELLO: What word?

    ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"

    ABBOT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
    COSTELLO: It is?

    ABBOT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
    COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?

    ABBOT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
    COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?

    ABBOT: Money.
    COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOT: Money.
    COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

    ABBOT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.
    COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?

    ABBOT: Money.
    COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?

    ABBOT: Exactly. No extra charge.
    COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?

    ABBOT: Just one copy.
    COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?

    ABBOT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money.
    COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?

    ABBOT: Why not? They own it.
    COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?

    ABBOT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.
    COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?

    ABBOT: Money.
    COSTELLO: You sell money?

    ABBOT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
    COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?

    ABBOT: Simply Accounting.
    COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.

    ABBOT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.
    COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?

    ABBOT: Mind Your Own Business.
    COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?

    ABBOT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
    COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know -- accounting? You do it with money.

    ABBOT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
    COSTELLO: More money?

    ABBOT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
    COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?

    ABBOT: Go Back.
    COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?

    ABBOT: Go Back.
    COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?

    ABBOT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was Go Back.
    COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?

    ABBOT: Word.
    COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.

    ABBOT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.
    COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.

    ABBOT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh,
    well. Hello, Computer Support Group. Can I help you?
  2. mudhog

    mudhog THEGAME Staff Member Super Moderator

    Nov 6, 2000
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    portland oregon
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  3. daleearnhardt01

    daleearnhardt01 1/2 ton status

    Aug 29, 2002
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    Richmond, VA
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  4. Muddytazz

    Muddytazz 1 ton status

    Jun 30, 2002
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    Salem, Or.
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