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Anger Management...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BoondocK5, Feb 2, 2007.

  1. BoondocK5

    BoondocK5 1 ton status Author

    May 13, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Salt Lake City, Utah

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
    It out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
    Someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten

    To make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f *** ing number!"
    And the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down

    Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
    Transposed the last two digits

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!"
    And hung up.

    I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it

    In my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,

    I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

    It always cheered me up.

    Then Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'

    Calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is
    John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're
    Familiar with our Caller ID program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

    And hung up.

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

    Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had

    Patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for
    That spot, but the idiot ignored me.

    I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his


    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his

    Number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

    I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    He said, "Yes, it is."

    I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

    He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow duplex,

    And the car's parked right out in front."

    I asked, "What's your name?"

    He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

    I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

    I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

    He said, "Yes?"

    I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

    Then I hun g up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    Then I came up with an idea. I called asshole #1.

    He said, "Hello."

    I said, "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    He asked, "Are you still there?"

    I said, "Yeah,"

    He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

    I said, "Make me,"

    He asked, "Who are you?"

    I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

    He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow duplex,

    I have a black Beamer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start

    Saying your prayers."

    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

    Then I called Asshole #2.

    He said, "Hello?"

    I said, "Hello, asshole,"

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

    I said, "You'll what?"

    He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your cha nce. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at

    34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my
    Gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree

    Blvd. In Fairfax.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.

    I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of

    Each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and
    surrounded by a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.

    My mother sent this to me.:haha:
  2. chevyfumes

    chevyfumes Court jester

    Feb 24, 2000
    Likes Received:
    Watch for the muzzleflash!
    It is a worthy classic...:D
  3. CDA 455

    CDA 455 3/4 ton status

    Jun 2, 2006
    Likes Received:
    43rd State
  4. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

    Oct 1, 2006
    Likes Received:
    even so, it warrants 2 postings lol.. funny too!
  5. fordeater

    fordeater 1/2 ton status Premium Member

    Mar 21, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Boerne Tx
    that is pefect
  6. UseYourBlinker

    UseYourBlinker 1 ton status

    Jun 7, 2000
    Likes Received:
    That's funny ... :bow:

    I remember the phone prank day's! Good times.:haha:

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