Bubba Ray\'s fight to the death So there I was........watching two trailer park girls go 'round the outside, 'round the outside when flim, flam thank you maam the women behind the counter began screaming and yelling in such a way to make people think that Hillary herself had earned the title, "President-elect." Then Bubba Ray saw him, the biggest, baddest cockroach this side of a shanty town. Bubba Ray said to himself, "Bubba Ray," that's what Bubba Ray calls himself, "I think we can negotiate with this ole boy to become the official tow rig of Blazerfest." Bubba Ray stood up, held out his hand and Mr. Roach would have none of Bubba Ray's down home hospitality. "Bubba Ray," began Mr. Roach, "I'm here for your heart and soul." Well ole Bubba Ray was taken back by the rudeness. "What are y'all trying to say, we 'bout to go rounds or something? Quick, somebody call my momma." Bubba Ray was spitting and sputtering mad now. "Bubba Ray, you've walked this Earth too long thinking you're the baddest mofo outside of a double wide." Well, Bubba Ray didn't feel like messing with Mr. Roach, so he turned to one of the ladies. "Call 911 and get the 1st Marine Division in here to handle my light work. I've some Kripsy Kremes to perose." The lady picked up the phone, said a few words and then hung up. "Oh Mr. Boudreaux, they said you're gonna have to handle it yourself." "Well fry my hide." Bubba Ray wasn't thrilled, but he knew the task at hand was about to commence. "Bubba Ray, we must enter the Shadow of the Valley of Death and do battle. Two will enter, one will leave." "Well son, let's get it on cause we can't get along." The combatants took their positions, with Mr. Roach choosing to fight without the benefit of weapons while Bubba Ray choose a paper towel. Bubba Ray made the first move, but it was obvious that Mr. Roach had taught Ali a thing or two about footwork. Finally, Bubba Ray got the upper advantage. Using a tactic that the local constabulary had taught him during a pursuit, with Bubba Ray as the pursuee, Bubba Ray blocked in Mr. Roach with no avenues of escape. Then quick as a cat, Bubba Ray grabbed Mr. Roach in the dreaded bear hug. "You will not win Bubba Ray." With that, Bubba Ray replied, "Watch you gonna do when the 12 inch pythons run wild on you?" And with that, Bubba Ray applied several foot pounds of pressure to the bear hug, squeezing the life out of Mr. Roach and becoming the envy of women everywhere. Disclaimer: The lifeless body of Mr. Roach was disposed of in a manner compliant to PETA, EPA, BLM, USFS, and PMS standards.