Deal with it

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, May 7, 2004.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Mar 30, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui". Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

    Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your ass, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "

    The Code:

    A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

    A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

    A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

    A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

    A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

    A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods.)

    A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

    A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill things (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

    A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

    A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

    A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she won't respect or love you for doing it.

    A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

    A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

    A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

    A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

    A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for being the wuss you are.

    A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear; guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

    Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Chevy truck.

    When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

    When a Retrosexual man has a problem with another man - because the other man is an ass or is hard to get along with - he will either 1) Threaten to beat the tar out of him if he does not change 2) Use appropriate and colorful cuss words to describe to the other person their actions, mental capacity, and their adolescent development process - or 3) Ignore him and never loan him anything again, especially tools - or he will do all of the above. "Suing" does not qualify as being able to DEAL WITH IT.

    A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

    A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

    A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

    A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph without anxiety and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

    A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land. Except on his truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.

    A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lieutenants) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

    A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
  2. ktedesco

    ktedesco 1/2 ton status

    Mar 21, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Colorado Springs, CO
    Words to live by!! /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/usaflag.gif
  3. sled_dog

    sled_dog 1 ton status

    Sep 3, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Austin, TX
    I say suing is alright when its large sums of money, you can't just threaten a couple grand out of someone. Otherwise I'm a retrosexual and more men need to be.
  4. mrk5

    mrk5 The Sticker Guy Moderator Vendor GMOTM Winner Author

    Apr 20, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Northern Colorado
    Wow! /forums/images/graemlins/eek.gif That is what I call a rant.

    Not that I disagree, mind you. /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif
  5. boggerless

    boggerless 1 ton status Premium Member

    May 26, 2003
    Likes Received:
    dearborn heights, Michigan
    Z3PR for president.there was not one word i disagree with.did you see george carlin do a stand up years ago about the pussification of the american male?the one i would like to high lite to our younger members is women don't respect a sissy,kiss ass punk. /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/k5.gifto /forums/images/graemlins/truck.gif
  6. Resurrection_Joe

    Resurrection_Joe 1 ton status

    Jan 9, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Gettysburg, SD
    I'm pretty sure he copy pasted that........


    "The continued pussification of the American Male in the form of Harley Davidson theme resteraunts.... What the [darn] is going on here? Harley Davidson used to mean something. It stood for biker attitude, grimy outlaws and thier sweaty mammas, full of beer and crank, rolling around on Harleys looking for a good time (destorying property, raping teenagers, and killing policemen) All very neccesary activities by the way.

    But now theme resteraunts, and this soft [darn] obviously didnt come from hard core bikers, it came from these weekend motorcyclists, these fradulent 2 day a week mother ****ers, that have thier bikes trailered into Sturgis, SD and then ride around like they just came off the road. Dentists and Beuracrats and pussy boy software designers, getting up on a Harley, because they think it makes them look cool. Well hey skeezix, you ain't cool, you're chilly, and chilly ain't never been cool."

    I typed that out from a CD

    Of course Titanic is a dentist........
  7. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

    Mar 23, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Northern Virginia
    [ QUOTE ]
    I'm pretty sure he copy pasted that........

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Either that or nutscrape got a spell check /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

    Any way...good read Paul I couldn't agree more. I'm so tired of everyone blaming everyone else for there problems. Can't the world suck it up and accept responsibility for there actions and grow a set and be a man.

    That is all /forums/images/graemlins/waytogo.gif /forums/images/graemlins/peace.gif

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