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How to build a ricer......long, but Funny

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by MOABDADC22, Apr 24, 2002.


    MOABDADC22 1/2 ton status

    Jul 24, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Cheyenne, Wy
    1. Stickers
    An often debated trick in many street racing circles, is the addition of stickers. While some idiot jackasses will tell you "stickers don't make your car faster, they just make it look stupid", consider this: Have you watched any auto racing? NHRA, CART, NASCAR, IRL, etc? Show me one [censored] race-car that doesn't have any stickers on it. I think the facts speak for themselves in this case.
    Stickers are cheap, and easy to apply. You can take your mom's camry, an ordinary grocery getter, and throw some decals on it, and you have a screamer. It can be done right in your own garage, on a cool day, a little rubbing alchohol and a soapy rag is all you need. Definitely one of the highly overlooked aspects of building a street racer.
    But remember, not just any old stickers will do, you have to choose them carefully. Stickers proclaiming the make of car will give you that extra boost off the line, but if you are really serious about winning, you must get some Japanese, or other asian characters, on the car. Even if it says "lame ass white boy" in Japanese, who cares. It's the appearance of power that makes all the difference. It's the intimidation factor.

    2.The Spoiler
    Those of you who didn't flunk physics class, know what the spoiler is all about. A lightweight race-car, at extremely high speeds, will "float", or lift the car up off the ground, bringing weight off of the tires, decreasing traction and stability. The air moving over the top of the car, is moving faster than the air on the bottom, creating "lift". A well tuned honda doing 80 will take off like a 747 if you dont put some spoilers on it. I don't have to explain this to you.
    Again, find me a real race-car without a spoiler. The lack of a spoiler is not only a waste of gas; its dangerous. Any serious racer won't build his car without it. I once had an 89' Mustang, and thank god it came with a spoiler, because I was racing a guy with a standard mustang, that didn't have one, and we hit about 120 down the main stretch of town, when two cops came up behind us. I was able to hit my brakes, and pull my car to the side of the road, while he, being approximately 18 inches off the ground (no spoiler!) was not able to stop, making the officer think he was trying to run. The officer then, thinking he wasn't going to stop, shot him in the back of the head. That's right kids, he died because he was too cheap to buy a spoiler. I only tell you kids [censored] for your own good. Don't be another statistic, get a [censored] spoiler.

    3.The Exhaust system.
    You want real power? It's time to stop wasting your money, and labor, with these cams, heads, intake systems, etc. All you really need is a loud exhaust. Take it from me, sounding fast is way more important than actually being fast. As long as the sound is there, chicks don't know the difference.
    And think about the physics. The bigger the pipe, the more air can come out of it, right? This air basically acts like a rocket. This is the real propulsion of the vehicle. thats why you never see exhaust pipes coming out of the front of the car. Nobody wants to go turbo-fast in reverse. Think about it.
    A great race-car builder, Smokey Yunich, once said "if you don't get a backfire when you shift, you have too much backpressure". That means, no muffler. If you must run a muffler, make sure it doesn't do a great job. Race cars are supposed to be loud. .

    4.The stereo system.
    A needed part of any complete street racer, is a stereo system. Nothing puts the "final touches" on your car, better than a good bass emitting stereo. It must be heard over your straight-pipe exhaust system, or you have wasted your money. What kind of system should you get? One with mega-bass of course. [censored] treble. Treble is for pussies.
    A good way to tell if you have an adequate stereo system, is if a lot of [censored] rattles. If you don't have a trunklid, or a mirror, rattling in harmony with the bass, your parents have not spent enough money. Bottom line. Remember, you need something that will overpower your exhaust.

    I saw a car the other day, that had such good bass, that his trunklid, doors, and bumpers were rattling! I coulndn't believe it. His headlights even dimmed with every beat, showing that real men don't replace their alternators, the stock one will do. He was the coolest guy working at the gas station I think.

    The best way to do it, really, is to just get the bump-master 2000. It randomly detonates small explosives in your trunk, creating bass like you have never heard. You don't need music; that [censored] went out of style in the early 90s, when the big bass boom really began to pick up speed.
    The things to remember.
    Remember, if you are building a street racer, remember, its the appearance of power that really counts, not the power itself. And remember, make the car loud, and obnoxious. Make it stand out, and gain attention. That's what really counts. Try finding tinted headlights, neon [censored], and stuff like that. Nothing is cooler than looking like a futuristic super-vehicle.
    Chicks don't like cars that "blend in", so if you are building a street racer for the chicks, follow my advice. You'll be swimming in tail before ya know it. And look good doing it.
  2. FL84K5

    FL84K5 1/2 ton status

    Aug 19, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Sarasota, FL
  3. riz

    riz 3/4 ton status

    Mar 7, 2000
    Likes Received:
    <font color=blue> TAlk about a guide to building a ricer ........ there it is !
  4. Ddragggon

    Ddragggon 1/2 ton status

    Apr 25, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Hartford, WI (formerly Etiwanda, SoCal)
    that kinda reminded me of the <a target="_blank" href=http://www.somethingawful.com/guides/cars/index.htm>Something Awful Guide to making a Street Machine</a> written back in 2000.... check it out, but beware: like most things from Something Awful, its probably got some creative cussing in it... but it is funny as hell, especialy with the graphics included, and the theory on `Speed Particules'


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