Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, Oct 10, 2005.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Mar 30, 2002
    Likes Received:
    A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall.

    He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"

    The cop asked, "What's he like?"

    The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big boobs."

    Funny QuestionsIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around
    several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why
    aren't people from Holland called Holes? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? I thought about how mothers feed their babies
    with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
    what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? If it's true that we are here to help others,
    then what exactly are the others here for?Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would
    be if it didn't zigzag? Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
    The mime next door went nuts. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
    bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards
    is Naive? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does

    that mean the fifth one enjoys it?

    An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much
    trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her
    and promised her it would be a wonderful companion. The woman asked if
    it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner
    said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and
    he would stay there.

    She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know
    him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him
    on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down
    and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's
    goddamned cold in here!" Everyone turned to look at her, she ran out of
    the church in total embarrassment!

    All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to
    remain quiet during church. The parrot understood so she put him on her
    shoulder and went to church the following Sunday. Once again, just as
    everything got quiet and the sermon began, the parrot squawked, looked
    around and loudly proclaimed, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" And again
    the woman ran from the church.

    The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the
    embarrassing situation to the owner. Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot,
    the owner offered the following solution: "If the parrot does that again,
    grab him by the legs and swing him around 5 or 6 times and return him to your

    "That'll work?" asked the woman. "Guaranteed!" exclaimed the owner.

    So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just
    as the sermon started the parrot squawked, "It's goddamned cold in

    Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5
    or 6 times and placed him back on her shoulder.

    The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty
    ****in' windy, too!
  2. 3 on the tree

    3 on the tree 1/2 ton status

    Oct 16, 2004
    Likes Received:
    gunnison colorado
    I asked this before and got flamed: If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk????
  3. Ten_Bucks

    Ten_Bucks 1/2 ton status

    Dec 9, 2004
    Likes Received:
    Placerville, California
    3 black roosters and a white cat are standing side by side.
    How many feet are there total on the roosters?
    How many beaks?
    How many wings?
    How many whiskers are on the cat?
    Don't know.
    Punchline: How come you know so much about black c*ck and nothing about white p*ssy?
  4. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Jul 17, 2004
    Likes Received:
    High velocity, Low altitude
    A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the
    dentist, "Doctor, I'm in a big hurry! I have two friends sitting out in
    my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic
    and just pull the tooth and be done with it - I don't have time to wait
    for the anesthetic to work!"

    The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very brave
    man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the

    So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

    The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show
    the doctor which tooth hurts."

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