A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big boobs." Funny QuestionsIf you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one? Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G? Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water know that spelling it backwards is Naive? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it? An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and promised her it would be a wonderful companion. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!" Everyone turned to look at her, she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church. The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the following Sunday. Once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began, the parrot squawked, looked around and loudly proclaimed, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" And again the woman ran from the church. The next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarrassing situation to the owner. Since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the following solution: "If the parrot does that again, grab him by the legs and swing him around 5 or 6 times and return him to your shoulder." "That'll work?" asked the woman. "Guaranteed!" exclaimed the owner. So, the next Sunday she took the parrot to church and, sure enough, just as the sermon started the parrot squawked, "It's goddamned cold in here!!" Without any hesitation, the woman grabbed his legs, swung him around 5 or 6 times and placed him back on her shoulder. The parrot shook his head, ruffled his feathers and said, "Pretty ****in' windy, too!