A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaims "I want to join your biker club". The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asks her "You have a bike?" The little old lady says "Yea, thats my Harley over there" and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asks her "Do you smoke?" The little old lady says "Yea, I smoke. I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool". The biker is impressed and asks "Well, have you ever been picked up by the Fuzz?". The little old lady says "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples". * * * A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the motel room. After a few unsuccessful attempts to find an english speaking local, the couple finally finds an elderly man sitting quietly on the street with his donkey. "Excuse me," the husband says, "Could you tell us the time?" "Absolutely", replies the elderly man, and with that he reaches down and grabs the donkey's balls. "It is 3:00", the man exclaims. "Thank you" replies the wife in a surprised voice. And the couple continues on their way. After doing some shopping and grabbing a bite to eat. The couple return to the old man for the time. Again the elderly man grabs the donkey by the balls and says "It is now 4:45." By this time the husband is completely amazed. "Please show me how you can tell the time simply by grabbing this donkey's balls!" "Certainly," the elderly man replies motioning for the couple to come closer. "Sit here where I am," the man begins. "Now, do you see the donkey's balls?" "Of course", the man replies. "Now reach down and take them into your hand." Hesitantly the husband does as he is instructed, after all, this could prove to be an enlightening experience. "Now, slowly lift the donkey's balls", he continues. Again the husband does as he is instructed. "Now look underneath the donkeys balls, and between his two front legs." The husband does just that. "Now" the man says, "Can you see the clock on the wall of that building over there?" * * * Two guys are in a locker room after their racquetball game when one guy notices the other has a cork in his buttock. "If you don't mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks terribly uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?" "I can't," lamented the first man. "It's permanent." "I don't understand," said the other. The first guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge man in a turban came oozing out. He said, "I am Hasan the Genie. I can grant you one wish." And I said, "No [censored]."