A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....Da-ad....I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water? No. You had your chance. Lights out. Five minutes later: Daaaaad.....WHAT? I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?? I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!! Five minutes later......Daaaa-aaaad.....WHAT! When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water? ____________________________________________________ An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake Dylan, come in or stay out!'" ________________________________________________________________ When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three-year-old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, Mommy, you are getting fat! I replied, Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy. I know, she replied, but what's growing in your butt? ____________________________________________________ A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a dead cat. She asked, "How do you know that it was dead?" "Because I pissed in its ear, and it didn't move," answered the child innocently." "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." ____________________________________________________ It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron." ______________________________________________________ A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."