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Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by TSGB, Apr 22, 2007.
Because he's hung like this:
I've heard all these so far... We need new material.
Disclaimer: Christian with a sense of humor here... I think I'm the first.
Pre imminent lockdown pad.
Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.
He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.
He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.
He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.
Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"
"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."
"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."
"Father!!!!!" Screams Jesus. "Pinocchio!!!!!!!" yells the old man.
Pre-imminent wrath pad.
The end is near pad.
Top Ten Reasons That Beer Is Better Than Jesus:-
a) No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
b) Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
c) They don't force beer on minors who cannot think for themselves.
d) Beer has never caused a major war.
e) When you have a beer you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
f) Nobody has ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over a beer.
g) You don't have to wait 2000 years for a second beer.
h) There are laws saying beer labels cannot lie to you.
I) You can prove you have a beer.
j) If you are devoted to beer then there are groups who can help you stop.
Well if your the first... then I am the second cause this is one of the funniest threads I have read in a long time...
And cbbr couldn't be more true...
So if Jesus returned today... being one to make his gospel current, what kind of car do you think he would drive?
A. A Chrysler (Christ-ler, a little phoenetics for the grammarically impaired)
B. An Expedition, cause how else is going to take along 12 disiciples
C. A Ford, Cause he's used to walking anyway?
That reminds me,the sun is out time to start drinking some beer..
I didn't think the sun was ever out there.
It wasn't, he's looking at a light bulb.
It's a relative term. I refer to it as the hour of "less dark."
We're all going to hell !!!
Separate names with a comma.