Medical Examinations "Funny"

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Z3PR, Mar 14, 2006.

  1. Z3PR

    Z3PR Banned

    Mar 30, 2002
    Likes Received:
    1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's
    going to have her baby
    in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
    lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
    that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.

    Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.

    2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
    on an elderly and
    slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.

    "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes,
    they used to be," replied the

    Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
    I told a wife that
    her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
    minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
    had died of a "massive internal fart."

    Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

    4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
    with his
    cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble
    with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The
    patch. The nurse
    told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
    places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I
    I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

    Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
    before applying a
    new one.

    Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
    I asked, "How
    long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion
    answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was

    Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

    6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's
    your breakfast this
    morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
    to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see
    jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

    Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when
    a young woman with
    purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
    tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
    determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
    for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
    table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
    tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."

    Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote
    a short note on the
    patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

    Submitted by RN no name

    AND FINALLY!!!...............

    8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I
    was quite embarrassed
    when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had
    unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
    upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
    further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said,
    "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor,
    but the song
    you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

    Dr. wouldn't submit his name.
  2. CustomChevy

    CustomChevy 1/2 ton status

    Jun 29, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

    thats possibly the funnyest thing I've ever read. EVER

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