1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night 5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people." 6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this" 8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan 10. Your junior prom had a day-care. 11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines!" 12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15. One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. 19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor. 21. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. 22. If the biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 23. If your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V... 24. If you thought the Una-bomber was a wrestler... 25. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table... 26. If you think a quarter horse is that ride out in front of the K-Mart... 27. If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home. 28. If a tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 dollars worth of improvement. 29. If you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. 30. If you've ever asked the preacher "How's it hangin?" 31. If you missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty. 32. If you think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph. 33. If somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is. 34. If you've ever stared at a can of orange juice because it said concentrate. 35. If you've ever been too drunk to fish. 36. If you don't understand why the first 35 are not funny. 37. You wear a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.