Musical terms comonly misunderstood by country musicians.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by mike n, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. mike n

    mike n 1/2 ton status

    Oct 9, 2003
    Likes Received:
    New York
    Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country-Western Musicians, With Their
    Translated "Country" Definitions:

    Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
    Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
    Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
    Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
    Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players
    Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
    Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
    Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but
    Bass -- The things you run around in softball
    Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see
    Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
    Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
    Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
    A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
    Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
    Cut Time -- Parole
    Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
    Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
    Middle C -- The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low
    Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
    Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
    Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company comes
    Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year
    Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
    Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
    Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes," or "Dori-toes"
    Minor Third -- Your approximate grade at the completion of formal schooling
    Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad
    12-Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck with
    Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
    Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
    Clarinet -- Name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
    Trill -- What's usually found on Blueberry Hill
  2. theperfectgarage

    theperfectgarage 1/2 ton status

    Oct 5, 2005
    Likes Received:
    tucson arizona
    What, no arguemented fifth? :D

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