New Standard in California

New California Emissions Standards Outlaw Flatulence

SACRAMENTO, CALIFORNIA- As the hole in the ozone layer grows
larger each day, folks down here on earth struggle to find effective
ways to curb the production of greenhouse gasses. California
legislators, long known for their pioneering environmental standards
for automobiles, passed a new law yesterday calling for "personal
emissions standards," effectively outlawing farting of any kind.

According to the text of the law, all California citizens will undergo
an annual emissions test. The test itself is relatively simple: the
subject
simply flatulates into a disposable plastic bag, the contents of which
goes to a gas chromatograph to discern the subject's concentration
levels of methane and other green house substances. Those who do
not pass the test [scoring 1500 or more parts per billion] will be
required to retrofit their colons with special catalytic converters.

How does the state plan to enforce the new law? Starting next month,
California police officers will be authorized to write tickets to anyone
observed engaged in a "gaseous explosion between the buttocks."
The fee for this "tailpipe tax" will range from $50 to $150 depending
on the severity of the infraction. As always, citizens are free to fight
the ticket in court.

True to form, Californians are already complaining that the legislation
infringes on personal liberties and that the catalytic converters reduce
metabolic efficiency. Also troubling is the whistling sound the device
makes, perhaps better suited to an episode of Benny Hill.

In need of a reaction to the new law, reporters woke Governor Gray
Davis from his afternoon nap. "Wha? It's not my fault, whatever it is!"

Later that afternoon, a more composed Davis addressed reporters.
"Sure, the human body is a relatively minor source of methane,"
admitted Davis. "Coalbeds and other industrial sites are by far the
biggest culprits, but given the current state of the economy and our
ravenous energy needs here in the Golden State, we're not about to
touch that issue with a ten foot pole."

In spite of the fact that legislators stopped short of outlawing the
consumption of beans or broccoli, industry experts say the law could
halt the recent growth in the specialty bean market.

 

LOL, That is too funny. Im suprised no one has tried to pass that one yet, LOL

 

"I'm an outlaw"

 

You mean I can't enjoy my second favorite past-time anymore?
I like it when I get the little flame "Tornado" with a good rip /forums/images/icons/cool.gif

 

I laid one down a little while ago, there's going to be a "Spare the Air" day tomorrow, guaranteed! /forums/images/icons/grin.gif