Noah's Ark 2005

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by firefighter184, Mar 12, 2005.

  1. firefighter184

    firefighter184 1/2 ton status

    Apr 5, 2003
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    The Barrio
    Noah and the Ark

    In the year 2004, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United

    States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and

    over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark

    and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."

    He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark

    before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard...

    but no ark.

    "Noah"! , He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"

    "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a

    building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a

    sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood

    zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height

    limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

    Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the

    future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to

    clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea

    would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

    Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees

    in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists

    that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!

    When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group.

    They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As

    well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel

    and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

    Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an

    environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

    I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on

    how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

    Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire

    only Union workers with Ark building experience.

    To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to

    leave the country illegally with endangered species.

    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish

    this Ark."

    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched

    across the sky.

    Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, you're not going to destroy

    the world?"

    "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
  2. jekbrown

    jekbrown I am CK5 Premium Member GMOTM Winner Author

    May 19, 2001
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    Vancouver, WA, USA
    so true. There is a good book out there called "lost freedom" or "freedoms lost"... something like that. Anyway, TONS of stories just like old Noahs there... but true. The worst one was a guy who wanted to use most of his land to build a duck habitat. He got like 38 local, county, state, and federal permits. He finally got the thing built at great effort and expense and some a-hole from the EPA shows up and says that the duck chit he is "inviting" on his land is an environmental hazard. The guy lost his appeal and the Army Corps of engys showed up and used demo to destroy his duck habitat. Dumbest thing I have ever heard of.

  3. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Jul 17, 2004
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    High velocity, Low altitude
    If you really want to be depressed read "The death of common sense". Its full of these also.

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