Dismiss Notice

Welcome To CK5!

Registering is free and easy! Hope to see you on the forums soon.

Score a FREE Membership sticker when you sign up for a Premium Membership and choose the recurring plan.

Oil Change

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by cbbr, Oct 18, 2006.

  1. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Jul 17, 2004
    Likes Received:
    High velocity, Low altitude
    Oil Change instructions for Women :

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

    2) Drink a cup of coffee.

    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:

    Oil Change $25.00

    Coffee $1.00

    Total $26.00


    Oil Change instructions for Men :

    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of
    oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

    2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.

    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

    10) Unscrew drain plug.

    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss

    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.
    Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
    everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
    trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    21) Drink beer.

    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with
    oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench
    tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
    skin between knuckles and frame.

    25) Begin cussing fit.

    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

    28) Beer.

    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

    30) Beer.

    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

    32) Beer.

    33) Lower car from jack stands.

    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

    35) Beer.

    36) Test drive car.

    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

    38) Car gets impounded.

    39) Call loving wife, make bail.

    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    Parts $50.00
    DUI $2500.00
    Impound fee $75.00
    Bail $1500.00
    Beer $20.00

    Total -- $4,145.00

    But you know the job was done right!
  2. 73k5blazer

    73k5blazer Unplug the matrix cable from the back of your head Premium Member

    Dec 28, 2001
    Likes Received:
    The Rustbelt
    But this instruction sheet only let's you drink 10 beers.
    I got a whole case, I need have a friend over or something.
  3. cbbr

    cbbr 1 ton status GMOTM Winner

    Jul 17, 2004
    Likes Received:
    High velocity, Low altitude
    Actually it instructs you to drink beer 10 times and does not limit you to 1 in most instances. How many you drink at a time is up to you.
  4. Confedneck79K30

    Confedneck79K30 3/4 ton status

    Oct 1, 2006
    Likes Received:
    hah, but you said jiffy lube and "properly maintained" in the same sentence... HAHAAHA "jiffy lack of drainplug lube"
  5. 87BrnRsd

    87BrnRsd 1/2 ton status

    Apr 21, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Boone, North Carolina
    Really funny...

Share This Page