A Farmer wanted to get all his chickens to hatch some chicks, so he went to the store and asked for a rooster, but not just ANY rooster. The grocer says, "I think I know what you need. His name's Henry. Be careful with him." The farmer goes home and puts the rooster down. The rooster goes flying to the chickens, does 'em all, runs to the barn, and does all the cows and horses, and then does every animal in the whole place. The farmer yells, "Henry, stop!! You¹ll kill yourself!!!!" The next day the farmer sees Henry lying on the ground, and buzzards circling. The farmer walks to the body and mutters, "I told you, Henry." Henry whispers, "SHHHHHH, the buzzards are getting closer." * * * A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, "I am a deaf mute. May I please play through?" The first men angrily gave the card back and shook his head from side to side, indicating, "No, he may NOT play through." The first man then whacked his ball onto the green and left to finish the hole. Just as he was about to sink the ball into the hole, he was hit in the head with a golf ball, knocking him out cold. When he came to several minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip and the other hand holding up four fingers, indicating "Fore!" * * * T'was Christmas eve, and this girl was waiting up for SANTA. Santa came down the chimney, and the girl said to Santa, "Please Santa, will you stay?" He says, "Ho Ho Ho, Santa got to go, got all these presents to deliver you know." The girl then takes off her clothes and Santa says the same thing: "Ho Ho Ho, Santa got to go, got all these presents to deliver you know." Then she takes off ALL her clothes and Santa says, "Ho Ho Ho, Santa got to stay, can't go up the chimney with a stiffie on the way..." * * * A stuttering man finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech impediment can be cured. The doctor thoroughly examines the man and finally asks him to drop his pants. Out comes this gigantic penis and the doctor pronounces the root of the problem to be strain on the vocal chords from the effects of gravity being transmitted up to the neck area. The patient then asks, "Wh-wh-at c-ca-an b-be d-d-done ab-b-bout-t-t i-i-t?" to which the doctor replies, "Modern surgery can work miracles. We can replace your unit with one of normal size and the stuttering will disappear right after the operation." The patient eagerly agrees to the surgery, and as promised his stuttering disappears. About 3 months later the man returns to the doctor and complains, "Doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really misses a big penis, and rather than lose her I've decided to get my old one back and live with stuttering for the rest of my life." The doctor looks straight at the man and replies, "L-look, a-a d-d-de-deal's a d-d-deal."