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sex funnies

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by big pappa b, Sep 22, 2004.

  1. big pappa b

    big pappa b 3/4 ton status

    Jan 3, 2003
    Likes Received:
    Falcon, Colorado
    Subject: ** SEX **

    Ya know ,,,Some of this are kind of cute......

    Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
    "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
    "Social Security sex?"
    "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
    doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes,
    he lets out this ear splitting yell."
    "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural.
    I don't see what the problem is."
    "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

    Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and
    asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,
    "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
    She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

    A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manh! ood" was mangled
    and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine
    could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't
    cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic.
    The doctor said the cost would be
    $3,500 for "small,
    $6,500 for "medium, and
    $14,000 for "large."
    The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor
    urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
    The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The
    doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
    "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
    The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

    A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on
    the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
    The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
    that reads: 'Here Lie s My Wife - Cold As Ever'."
    "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
    that reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

    My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
    "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went
    out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
    He couldn't get back in.

    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
    The woman says...
    "I'll miss you."
  2. BurbLover

    BurbLover 1/2 ton status

    Jul 31, 2001
    Likes Received:
    SW Missouri
    Damn funny man, damn funny!!! /forums/images/graemlins/histerical.gif

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