TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO HAS HAD ENOUGH... > > > > If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We > > refuse to answer. > > > > Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. > > > > If you won't/don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, > > don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. > > > > Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more > > attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear > > getting married is that married women always cut their hair, > > and by then you're stuck with her. > > > > Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to > > see if we can find the perfect present yet again! > > > > If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an > > answer you don't want to hear. > > > > Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. > > > > Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are > > prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun > > formation, or monster trucks. > > > > Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of > > the tides. Let it be. > > > > Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think > > of it that way. > > > > When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear > > is fine. Really. > > > > You have enough clothes. > > > > You have too many shoes. > > > > Crying is blackmail. > > > > Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle > > hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious > > hints don't work. Just say it! > > > > No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark > > anniversaries, birthdays and other events you want us to > > remember on the calendar. That increases the chance we'll > > remember by 50%. > > > > Most guys own three pairs of shoes - what makes you think > > we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, > > would look good with your dress? > > > > Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every > > question. > > > > Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. > > That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are > > for. > > > > A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a > > doctor. > > > > Foreign films are best left to foreigners. > > > > Check your oil. > > > > It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the > > quiz together. > > > > No, it doesn't't matter which quiz. > > > > Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an > > argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. > > > > If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of > > the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. > > > > Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic. > > > > You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do > > something but not both. > > > > Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say > > during commercials. > > > > ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a > > color. > > > > If it itches, it will be scratched. > > > > Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. > > > > If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act > > like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying, but it's just > > not worth the hassle.