Tourist message from the Mid-west

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by thatK30guy, Oct 5, 2002.

  1. thatK30guy

    thatK30guy 1 ton status Premium Member

    Jan 12, 2001
    Likes Received:
    A message from rural Midwest:
    >Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop
    >when Easterners and Californians cross states such as
    >Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska,
    >Oklahoma, North & South Dakota, and Wisconsin, the Midwest
    >Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy. In an
    >effort to help outsiders understand the rural
    >Midwesterner's mind. The following list will be handed
    >to each person as they enter each Midwestern state.
    >1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
    >breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
    >2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow
    >you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator.
    >I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it
    >or get it out of my way.
    >3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
    >five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
    >4. Any references to 'corn fed' when talking about our
    >women will get you whipped . . . by our women.
    >5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
    >cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle.
    >We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish
    >6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
    >7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
    >are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
    >You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at
    >that time.
    >8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
    >buy a fifth for what you paid for one drink at the
    >9. No, there's no "vegetarian special' on the menu.
    >Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
    >Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
    >10. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with
    >two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
    >11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
    >wet, and served over ice.
    >12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're
    >real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar
    >combine that we only use two weeks a year.
    >13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
    >town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
    >it's yellow.
    >14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because
    >they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
    >15. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and turtle, too. You
    >really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the
    >bait shop.
    >16. They're pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
    >used it. Don't like it? Interstate 70 goes two ways and
    >Interstate 35 goes the other two ways. Take your pick.
    >17. The 'opener' refers to the first day of deer
    >season. It's a religious holiday. You can get
    >breakfast at the church.
    >18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
    >called being friendly. Understand the concept.
    >19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
    >water hazards. It spooks the fish.
    >20. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you
    >over for driving like an idiot...his name is
    >'Sir' matter how old he is.
    >Now, enjoy your visit and then go home
  2. Sandman

    Sandman 3/4 ton status Author

    Apr 15, 2002
    Likes Received:
    Pocatello, ID
    I can relate. /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

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