Why the English language is so hard to learn.

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Beast388, Apr 30, 2003.

  1. Beast388

    Beast388 1/2 ton status

    Nov 6, 2001
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    Clinton, IA USA
    This little treatise on the lovely language we
    share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a
    linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your
    leisure, English lovers, but be sure to read aloud.

    Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
    5) He'd be able to lead if he would get the lead out.
    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. [Triple whammy!]
    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
    9) When shot at, the dove dove into! the bushes.
    10) I did not object to the object.
    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
    -- There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in
    hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
    -- English muffins weren't invented in England nor
    French fries in France.
    -- Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
    aren't sweet, are meat.
    -- We take English for granted. But if we explore
    its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
    slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
    neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    -- And why is it that writers write but fingers
    don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

    -- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
    plural of booth beeth?

    -- One goose, 2 geese . So one moose, 2 meese ?
    One index, 2 indices?

    -- Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
    but not one amend.

    -- If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
    rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    -- If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
    humanitarian eat?

    -- If teachers taught, why didn't preachers

    Sometimes I think all the English speakers should
    be committed to an asylum! for the verbally insane.

    -- In what other language do people recite at a
    play and play at a recital?

    -- Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

    -- Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    -- How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
    same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
    language in which your house can burn up as it burns
    down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out
    and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and
    it reflects the creativity of the human race, which,
    of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when
    the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
    lights are out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with
    "quick".....huh, WHY ?

    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif
  2. Michael

    Michael 1/2 ton status

    Feb 17, 2000
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    Sherman, Texas
  3. Stickseler

    Stickseler 3/4 ton status

    Mar 23, 2001
    Likes Received:
    Northern Virginia
    /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif /forums/images/graemlins/rotfl.gif

    They forgot about driving on the parkway and parking in the driveway /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif
  4. jarheadk5

    jarheadk5 1/2 ton status

    Mar 6, 2000
    Likes Received:
    Then there's this little gem...

    Is the opposite of <font color="red"> pro</font>gress <font color="red"> Con</font>gress??? /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif

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