i just realized that tomorrow (dec 4) is the 6th anniversary of my mom's death. pretty wierd feeling. i can't believe it's been that long - it sure doesn't feel that way. it's not hard on me, as i've dealt with it, but it's a wierd feeling. it was wierd when i graduated HS, moved out on my own, got married, etc for me to not have her be there for those things - particularly strange for getting married. we gave her an empty seat at my wedding tho, and claire put one of her boquet flowers on it when she walked down the isle. dec. 4, 2000. i was working at this goofy little french restaraunt in phoenix/scottsdale/paradise valley called la madeleine on tatum/shea. it was 10:30 and i called home to have my mom come pick me up from work (i was 15 then). my dad answered, which was out of the norm and said he'd come pick me up - which was really odd. i just figured my mom was tired or something. anyway, it took dad a super long time to get there and when he finally did i jumped in his car and he told me we had to pray. he prayed that god would have me understand what he was about to tell me in an appropriate way - iirc. then he told me that my mom had what appeared to be a heart attack and that we had to go to the hospital ER. i panicked - i remember thrashing around in the seat looking for something to hold onto, but not really - there were handles everywhere, but ofcourse none of them offered the security i needed. he grabbed me and after i caught my breath we were off to the hospital at 92nd and shea. we hit every freaking red light on the way there - and there's a lot. got there, waited in a little family's room for an hour and the doc came in and said she had died. i lost it again. i went to see her body. that was the strangest experience of my life. we went to the room, and they pulled back the curtain. my dad cried out, "my girlfriend!" and ran to his wife sobbing. i collapsed on the tile floor. words can't explain how wierd that feeling was. we went home and called some people - it was about 1a.m. she was fine that day. her parents had come up from tucson to visit her. they went out, had fun and ate some mexican food. i guess my mom complained of heart-burn right before she died, so she took some antacid or something. then a couple minutes later i understand she came running out into the hall yelling, "jim, i think i'm having a heart attack!" then she fell down, her face turned black and she died immediately. we lived about 2 minute drive from the hospital and she was dead by the time the paramedics got there. the autopsy came back and said she didn't die of a heart attack. she didn't die of anything. she just stopped living. it was a wierd time in my life because we had moved to AZ 4 months earlier and i didn't have any real friends yet. no family was in the area, and ofcourse my dad couldn't offer much support for me - he had just lost the love of his life. so it was just me and jesus. it was one of the most incredible times in my entire life. i grew a TON. her funeral was amazing. like i said, we had only been in az for 4 months, but her funeral brought over 300 people! she influenced 300 people in 4 months! amazing. she's buried at the cemetary by the hospital there off of shea and 92nd. if anyone in az has a chance, drop some flowers on her grave for me since i can't do it. she's halfway between the driveway and the little pond, and maybe 50 west of the entry/drive off of shea. her name is terri lockwood. it's a flat headstone, and black. she likes gerber dasies. woah! that turned into a long email fast. anyone actually finish reading the whole thing?