You have FEMA's number on your speed dialer. You have more than 20 C and D batteries in your kitchen drawer. Your pantry contains more than 10 cans of Spaghetti Os. You are thinking of repainting your house to match the plywood covering your windows. When describing your house to a prospective buyer, you say it has three bedrooms, two baths and one safe place. You are on a first-name basis with the cashier at Home Depot. You are delighted to pay $3 for a gallon of unleaded. The road leading to your house has been declared a No-Wake Zone. You decide that your patio furniture looks better on the bottom of the pool. You own more than three large coolers. You can wish that other people get hit by a hurricane and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Three months ago you couldn't hang a shower curtain; today you can assemble a portable generator by candlelight. You catch a 5-pound catfish. In your driveway. You can recite from memory whole portions of your homeowner's insurance policy. At cocktail parties, women are attracted to the guy with the biggest chainsaw. You have had tuna fish more than 5 days in a row. There is a roll of tar paper in your garage. You can rattle off the names of three or more meteorologists who work at the Weather Channel. Someone comes to your door to tell you they found your roof. Ice is a valid topic of conversation. Relocating to South Dakota does not seem like such a crazy idea.