A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and gave her a big kiss. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."