A lot of these kits give brutal 1-2 without doing something comparable for the other shifts. Granted, this is the one you're most likely to pound on, unless you really are racing, in which case 2-3 is pretty stinking important too. I think it's because giving a 700 a brutal 1-2 shift is very easy, where getting the 2-3 tight is really hard.
Slow, soft shifts are bad for a tranny, but IMO going too harsh is also bad for the hard parts. Unless it's a drag car, there is a happy medium. (And when it is a drag car I sometimes question why build a hammering auto instead of using a manual?) If the shift points are good and the other shifts feel good, you can always pull shims out of the 1-2 accumulator or go back to a softer spring. Some of the "race" shift kits seem to think accumulators are the devil, but they do have a purpose. With the aftermarket plates and holes drilled in the valve body sometimes you almost have to go back to a stock accumulator setup just to keep from shattering your windshield when it grabs 2nd.
If all shifts are hard, you can adjust springs in the pump valve to bring the line pressure down.