You really need an ISOLATOR. Some people use a FORD solenoid.
I used a kit by HELLROARING. Its not cheap, but worth every penny. The way mine is setup. Im using the 2nd battery as pure back up.
Meaning, everything is connected to the "starter" battery.
With the kit im using, I have a 3 position switch.
Down - Removes 2nd battery from charging system
Middle - Charges both batteries, but has no draw on the 2nd battery
UP - Connects both batteries for extra juice, i.e. winching, starting etc.
THe reason I wanted my 2nd battery NOT doing anything is because, if you have a parasitic draw or you kill your starter battery, it will usually take the 2nd battery with it. I had a draw on my system (ended up being the Tach was wired hot and was putting a draw on the system) well my battery would be dead after a week, I simply flipped the switch in up position to "activiate" the 2nd battery and started my truck. I found the draw and just put the tach on a Key On switch and never had any issues since.
This is my approach to it.