Feelin low..

[87BrnRsd]

I know that this isnt the right forum for this but I am not currently a paid member to post in the lounge. Anyways I just had to get this out there.

The past month has been pretty crappy for me. Around the first I found out that my dad had to have an almost immediate open heart srugery. A 5 bypass surgery. Im working about 55 hours or so a week to pay for school but fortunately i was able to get some days off to visit him in the intensive care unit. Honestly it was kind of hard seeing him all hooked up. Hes slowly recovering now but he is on his way to a hopefully full recovery.

I want to renew my membership here again (been a paying member since 2003) but over the next 2 weeks I owe more money in tuition and rent that I can even make. Thats not a biggie I can live on a tight budget and eventually make it work.

What really has me is that one of my very very closest friends died in a car accident while on vacation in wyoming last thursday. I grew up with him and even roomed with him my freshman year of college. I have never lost anyone this close before and its kind of hard to handle. Its like there is an emptiness to everything now. His funeral is back here in nc this saturday and I know that will be hard. The stress of that and working 55+ hours a week and still having nothing is just getting me down. It just makes me feel how bad life can suck sometimes.

Sorry for my rambling but I had to get it off my chest. I dont really know anyone to talk to. Mods....I know this is not the right forum for this so you can move it if you feel necessary. I just wont be able to respond until im a paying member again. Oh an I hope nobody thinks im asking for charity because im not.....and i never accept charity from others...even my parents when they try to give me money. I just neede to get it off my chest.
-Harrison

 

[badmix]

Ah no worries mate. Its good to let it out and vent sometimes. Beats bottling it up and end up on the roof top shooting innocent peeps. lol. Jus think happy thoughts.

 

[BKinzey]

Firsts can be depressing. You just live through it. First friend dying is a big one. It's a gut-punch from mortality. Just take it day to day and try not to dwell on things you did or didn't do. You are going to have some huge ups & downs from feeling like hiding & crying to 30 seconds later laughing because of a funny remembrance.

My first close friend died in a car crash. They had an open casket so he was the first dead person I'd seen close-up as well. I remember he'd lost about 20 pounds and looked pretty good. Due to the crash his body swelled and he looked like he'd gained 30 pounds. I was really concerned that people who hadn't seen him in the last year would think he got fat. A couple of days later I figured out the main point was he was dead and felt bad about my concerns. I've since found out it's fairly normal to fixate on odd things.

So when you feel bad don't worry about cheering up and if you feel good don't worry you should be feeling bad. Don't worry if you don't feel anything at all.

 

[87BrnRsd]

if you feel good don't worry you should be feeling bad.

Thats one of the tough parts. When I feel good i feel like i should be feeling bad. Im doing much better than when I first heard the news and I guess it just takes time. Just sorting things out in my mind.
-Harrison

 

[Chrisblazzer89]

Wow man I'm so sorry for you I understand how you feel I just had my grandmother die not to long ago. It will take some time but it will get better. Just think of the good times with him and remember he will always be with you and most important don't ever forget him.

 

[Chrisblazzer89]

PS: I hope your dad gets better soon and has a full recovery.