It really is tough to know. What works for one may not work for another simply because the innards were garbage as produced. As you mention, the lifespan of new batteries is all over the place...and IMO that means none can be considered "good". The only constant seems to be batteries that come in new cars. Those ALL seem to last 5-7 years+, as long as the car hasn't been abused.
I've been using the battery minder to charge my daughters power wheels for a year or two (so pretty slow charge), and I know that battery has been drained pretty good a couple of times. I normally let it sit on the minder for weeks at a time, unused, but without testing actual capacity of the battery, the results are just anecdotal. I also use a minder on the truck, since it sits months at a time, and I figure it can't hurt. Again...nothing that proves the minder is any better than any other method, including just letting the battery sit!
I expect most "dead" batteries that chain auto parts stores take as returns are likely due to other factors, not an actual dead battery. No offense to those with this experience, but it is hard to know what stories about battery failure are legit, and which ones are mis-diagnosis....if I had a bad battery cable connection and inadvertently fixed it when removing the battery, you might hear a story about the miracles of the battery minders, when of course that wasn't the case. Yes, battery may have been dead, but it would have been charged up the same with any other charger.
I think the real test is batteries that are infrequently used in automotive apps, but when used are kept charged up, not used for things like winching, etc. If you could get a battery in that situation to last for 10 years or more, then repeat with other batteries in similar conditions, the minder might have some proof. But even then, who is to say that just keeping the battery constantly topped off isn't the "miracle", vs the de-sulphation or whatever they claim.