Would i be better off using a 30 vrs a 20
It's easy to calculate which to use. With 30 amp relay and 12 volts you can run 6 55 wat lights. 12V x 30A = 306W. Or if you already have lights, just sum up the wattage, and divide with voltage, you get the needed amprage for relay. Example: Four 55W lights equals 220W, divided by 12 equals 18.3 amps. So in this case you can go with 20A relay.
Of course, if you use 13.8 volts which alt gives when engine is running, you could run seven 55W lights with 30A relay, but as soon engine shuts down/stalls, it kills the relay and fuses. So it's good to have some reserve in the system, therefore using 12 volts when calculating electrical system.
Also fuses go with wattage of lights. Like two 55W need 10 amp fuse.
With auxliary lighting, ones I use only in offroad situations, I've wired the relay pin 86 to parking light wire and switch to groundwire (85). That way I can easily kill all the lights if needed, just shutting off the parking lights.
About the running lo-beams with highs, I dont' get it. What advantage it gives? More light, yes, but not where you need it when using hi-beams, long ahead of you. I've tried it couple of times when switching lo's to hi (if I dont' pull the switch all the way back, it lights both), and I felt it really distracting my vision to front of my truck, even though I tried to look farther ahead.