sneaking toys by the wife

[CDA 455]

I fully understand and can agree with your point. It still doesn't negate that sneaking is dishonest and destroys relationships. Being truthful and lovingly telling her that this is your hobby and as long as it doesn't unbalance the household and it's budget, there's no good reason why you can't enjoy it, is NOT unreasonable. What is unreasonable, according to your significant other, is the amount of time you spend on the truck and $$$, vs. her. That's where the communication comes in and the balance. Something within her is wrong, and the truck is the excuse...9 times out of 10.

I do admit too that no matter what you do, there are some females who just won't understand, try to understand, or will understand. Bottom line: that's their issue. They need to resolve it. IMHO, accept me for who I am, not what I have, and my truck is an extension of me. Too bad, too sad, get over it (For her).

Manny

Disclaimer: This is just for academics, O.K.?!!!

So Manny, not only do you never lie as an adult, you don't believe in white lies either?

 

[MuddinManny]

Honestly, I fully agree, but most females don't.

That's probably because they are facing something from their past, a bad experience, that mirrors a present time experience and they rather deny it then face. It's a comfort area. Closet skeleton's are a bitch to deal with at times.

 

[mikey_d05]

I hate to disagree but I'm pretty sure it's an attention thing. I'm not thinking about her, I'm thinking about my truck. My girl and I are long distance so it's not like I could be curled up with her on the couch at that very moment, but it still bugs her. I think it's probably plain old fasioned jealousy considering I've found it to be pretty consistent.

 

[CDA 455]

Easy,

I don't lie....If I'm good, I say good. If I'm down, I tell them I'm feelin' a little low today. If I'm happy as a pig in s***, they don't need to know, cause they see it in my face and smile. Dude, I'm not ashamed of my emotions and quite secure. If I'm up, I'm up. If down, I'm down. What's the big deal? People are shocked not because of how I feel. It's because I had the audacity to tell them HOW I REALLY FEEL, instead of Bull****tin'.

Like right now. I will tell you I'm battling depression. I'm really down. Despite everything that's going on with my truck, I'm just in the dumps and can't shake it. I don't know why. I wish I could understand it. So right now, I'm feelin' a little low!

Hope you're doing better....

This is great. I'm enjoying this. Hope you're not taking offense. I'm not.

Manny

With all due respect, I find that hard to believe that you can be that consistent.
I too, am not ashamed of my emotions. But that's not the point.
With friends and family, they're not going to take one word answers, especially if you look sad. And I don't feel like spilling my guts right then, so usually I end up BSing with a one word answer.

I'm with you on the ideals, but you're human just like me, and to be that consistent about being truthful I find hard to take.

And sometime when they ask, they really didn't want a real answer!! It's called a rhetorical question.

 

[MuddinManny]

Disclaimer: This is just for academics, O.K.?!!!

So Manny, not only do you never lie as an adult, you don't believe in white lies either?

I'm not upset CDA, no disclaimer needed. For me to say I have never lied is totally wrong and by my faith in God, a slap to HIM. Yes, I have lied, and yes I have bended the lilly at times. But over the years, I have learned that simply telling the truth and accepting responsibility and accountability for the things you do holds far less consequence than if you outright lie or bend the lilly. Don't get me wrong, the sting of telling the truth hurts too! I'm not introducing religion into this, but my faith in Jesus has brought many changes, and being honest as best I can, is one of them. I still fall short.

I've also learned that when confronted with an issue with a love one, to lie or bend the lilly to them more than not, enables a particular behavior which is bad. CDA, because I have worked so hard at being honest in speech and actions, I have found that my know-it-all and not listen 20's have turned into shutting up and listening 30's. I learned that people sometimes have too much to say, so I keep quiet and stay out of trouble. Pick the battles you can win. (I don't look at this as a battle.)

Again, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, but the one I refuse to do, is not communicate, and that requires telling the truth and asking questions to find out the others perspective to gain understanding and balance.

Maybe that's why I'm still single?

JMHO.

Manny

 

[CDA 455]

That's probably because they are facing something from their past, a bad experience, that mirrors a present time experience and they rather deny it then face. It's a comfort area. Closet skeleton's are a bitch to deal with at times.

Manny, can I ask you a serious question?

Have you ever dated a woman seriously. Like, for a year or two?

Mikey knows what he's talking about. (Because I agree with him !!)

 

[MuddinManny]

With all due respect, I find that hard to believe that you can be that consistent.
I too, am not ashamed of my emotions. But that's not the point.
With friends and family, they're not going to take one word answers, especially if you look sad. And I don't feel like spilling my guts right then, so usually I end up BSing with a one word answer.

I'm with you on the ideals, but you're human just like me, and to be that consistent about being truthful I find hard to take.

And sometime when they ask, they really didn't want a real answer!! It's called a rhetorical question.

How I work on consistency is by taking one day at a time, one situation at a time. Am I 100% consistent? No. No one is. It's a goal that I continually work towards each and every day, each and every person. As far as the rhetorical question, or even with friends, I just don't fly off the handle and tell everyone everything. Sometimes I'll say I'm dealin' with some stuff, I'm alright, or Hey, I'm not in the mood to talk, thanks for carin'. I can't jump into someones' heart to know if they are really BS'n or asking because they care, so I just take the position that they care, and let God sort out the finer dealings. I also try to show the other person respect.

I'm just tryin' to do the best I can, and I'll await the judgment for my actions. I still contend I fall short.

Manny

 

[mikey_d05]

Mikey knows what he's talking about. (Because I agree with him !!)

In all seriousness. I try and take Anna with me as often as possible. To get her involved. I want her to enjoy being out there but I'm afraid she'll never like the wrenching and building like I do. It's just something I have to accept and if it means pissing her off once in a while, so be it. It's my hobby and there are aspects to my life that she doesn't have to like. She's not me.

The last time she was around when a buddy and I were wrenching she layed on the lawn and read a book all afternoon. Not exactly helpful but I can't deny that I enjoyed the view either.

 

[CDA 455]

I'm not upset CDA, no disclaimer needed. For me to say I have never lied is totally wrong and by my faith in God, a slap to HIM. Yes, I have lied, and yes I have bended the lilly at times. But over the years, I have learned that simply telling the truth and accepting responsibility and accountability for the things you do holds far less consequence than if you outright lie or bend the lilly. Don't get me wrong, the sting of telling the truth hurts too! I'm not introducing religion into this, but my faith in Jesus has brought many changes, and being honest as best I can, is one of them. I still fall short.

I've also learned that when confronted with an issue with a love one, to lie or bend the lilly to them more than not, enables a particular behavior which is bad. CDA, because I have worked so hard at being honest in speech and actions, I have found that my know-it-all and not listen 20's have turned into shutting up and listening 30's. I learned that people sometimes have too much to say, so I keep quiet and stay out of trouble. Pick the battles you can win. (I don't look at this as a battle.)

Again, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, but the one I refuse to do, is not communicate, and that requires telling the truth and asking questions to find out the others perspective to gain understanding and balance.

Maybe that's why I'm still single?

JMHO.

Manny

You bring up good points.

These computers are very impersonal so we only have our typed words to go by.

It sounds like you're responding to this thread in a black and white fashion when it's not. You said yourself, "I still fall short". Well, so do we.
But I give you the benefit of the doubt, I think you don't see this as a way of lying to the wife. And your point, on a static level, is well taken!

 

[MuddinManny]

Manny, can I ask you a serious question?

Have you ever dated a woman seriously. Like, for a year or two?

Mikey knows what he's talking about. (Because I agree with him !!)

I was engaged to be married after a 2 year courtship. We were engaged for about 7 months, when she cheated on me and left me for another dude.

Turns out he was a drug user (industrial abuse..insurance agent) got her pregnant, the baby was hooked, yada yada. There's a lot more but not necessary to go into. I'm over that relationship, but have patiently waited for Mrs. Right to arrive.

Manny

 

[CDA 455]

In all seriousness. I try and take Anna with me as often as possible. To get her involved. I want her to enjoy being out there but I'm afraid she'll never like the wrenching and building like I do. It's just something I have to accept and if it means pissing her off once in a while, so be it. It's my hobby and there are aspects to my life that she doesn't have to like. She's not me.

The last time she was around when a buddy and I were wrenching she layed on the lawn and read a book all afternoon. Not exactly helpful but I can't deny that I enjoyed the view either.

After I built my Toyota Supra (700BHP, blah, blah, blah) and a big 'debate' with my wife, I found out as long as the bills are paid and money is invested each month for retirement/kids college fund/buffer, she doesn't mind if I dump $400.00 for a PSC PS gear box.
The Point: Wifes like financial security, and I don't mean millions, as long as some money gets invested for later they're happy!

 

[MuddinManny]

You bring up good points.

These computers are very impersonal so we only have our typed words to go by.

It sounds like you're responding to this thread in a black and white fashion when it's not. You said yourself, "I still fall short". Well, so do we.
But I give you the benefit of the doubt, I think you don't see this as a way of lying to the wife. And your point, on a static level, is well taken!

It may seem as if I'm answering black and white, but I know that each situation must be dealt with by it's merits and the playingfield needs to be measured. That's GREY! Part of teamwork is give and take. I only made the statements "I still fall short" because you questioned my consistency. Please don't take it as if I thought you said you or anyone else were perfect. That never came across to me.

You're right, computers are very impersonable, so we may be at the point where understanding has become limited. The threshhold of getting to know each other via person to person contact has been reached.

Still, I thank you for the conversation. It was civil and interesting.


Manny

 

[CDA 455]

I was engaged to be married after a 2 year courtship. We were engaged for about 7 months, when she cheated on me and left me for another dude.

Turns out he was a drug user (industrial abuse..insurance agent) got her pregnant, the baby was hooked, yada yada. There's a lot more but not necessary to go into. I'm over that relationship, but have patiently waited for Mrs. Right to arrive.

Manny

WOW!

Sounds like she did you a favor. A person doesn't do that without a 'history of a sort'.

 

[CDA 455]

I was engaged to be married after a 2 year courtship. We were engaged for about 7 months, when she cheated on me and left me for another dude.

Turns out he was a drug user (industrial abuse..insurance agent) got her pregnant, the baby was hooked, yada yada. There's a lot more but not necessary to go into. I'm over that relationship, but have patiently waited for Mrs. Right to arrive.

Manny

And, do you mean Miss Right ?!

 

[MuddinManny]

And, do you mean Miss Right ?!

Oops! yeah, Miss Right, not Misses. No adultery here.

Manny

 

[MuddinManny]

WOW!

Sounds like she did you a favor. A person doesn't do that without a 'history of a sort'.

She was my first. I was her first. No history. Just a smooth talkin' insurance agent out of NYC. I'm better off.

 

[makovai]

Let me tell you how it works at my house. Lately i've been doing the best trading. If i spend money its trouble, if i sell somthing to spend money its still trouble, so i have found trading works the best at my house.
BTW I have been married for 12 years so this isn't a very new realtionship. For the most part she is pretty understanding when i make a purchase. I actually like the fact that she keeps my spending under control or i would be in a world of hurt, but i would have the sweetest rig on here if she didn't keep me under control

 

[4xcrazy]

damn i am glad i am single,,,,don't have to worry about a woman "controlling" me with what i do or spend my money on...

 

[roadnotca]

She,,,,cough,,,don't,,,cough cough,,,,,,have,,,cough,,,control over,,,cough, hack,,,me!

 

[makovai]

damn i am glad i am single,,,,don't have to worry about a woman "controlling" me with what i do or spend my money on...

It's not control, its more compromise. The decisions you make need to be decided by 2. In my opinion its worth not always getting your way. Its a partnership that makes up a more balanced human. Each of you has a practical side and a impractical side. when you make a decision together most of the time it will be the correct decision.