If the bendix stops when it hits the flywheel, that means that it has too MUCH engagement, right? (thinking out loud here) If you grind the nose cone, (I assume you mean shave metal off where it mates to the block) you end up moving the bendix even closer to the flywheel. So that would mean even worse problems, right?
At this point, after this many starters, I'd probably stack some washers between the bolts and the starter, make sure it won't hit the flexplate, (could break the block if it gets enough leverage) and see if it throws the bendix out and the starter turns freely when you do this.
Did this problem all of a sudden just start, or what changes led up to this problem?
If there was/is a way to get the starter to throw the bendix out, but not rotate, that would be pretty valuable too, you might actually be able to see the teeth engagement, which might tell you something. IIRC though, it's pretty hard to see the starter/flexplate engagement.