i just want to say thanks to the guys who talked to me. things have been really hard for me, i got a brain diease two years ago, and it started afecting me really bad the end of last year. was told by three doctors that i only had a few months to live. when i told my so called friends no one beleaved me. i found a doctor that wanted to try an expermintal procedure, and had that done in january. and even when i called from the hospital right before i went in, no one beleaved me. well as you can see, i got out of the hospital, and i'm slowly recovering, i can't work right now, and i live on disability. none of my so called friends talk to me anymore, i was living in my truck for a while, untill i finally started to get my disability check, then i recently moved into a place, and find out the place is being sold so i have to move..i don't have the money to move, it took all i had to get in here, and disability doesn't pay anything. then i got into a "who care mood" and pissed off some russians in sacramento and go the crap beat out of me. then i ended up in the hospital. then i hated myself for being so stupid, and burnt myself with cigerettes. and did other things. and i sit here totally alone, and out of the blue my ex calls me needing help, so i help her, and after i helped her, she said thanks..now don't ever talk to me again....stupid me....and the thing is i'm not hurting myself for attention, because when i'm out in public i hide all my scares and burns so noone knows. hmm..i don't know who did it, but someone found out where i live and called the cops becasue three of them just showed up here..but they left. it hard to be like this, i was alwasy the strong one, i was the one that people always came to for help, i was the one that defended everyone. i was the one that did everthing i could no matter what the cost to help someone. and now, i've got nothing, just a big empty void. i think thats why i helped my ex, even though i knew she was useing me, i did it anyways becasue it felt good that someone wanted my help again. but i don't know where i'm going to live, what i'm gonna do to make ends meet, i don't know where to go, or which way is up. i went from haveing everything i ever wanted, to getting a brain diease, to haveing absolutly nothing. in a matter of weeks. my phone used to ring off the hook, now it only rings when the medical collection agencies call. i don't guys, alot if the time i just think that it would be better if i wasn't here....so much for not wanting to be the talk of the town huh? one of the three cops that came by a few minutes ago used to be one of my "so called friends"..man i don't know, and of course there is more that i'm not telling but. i didn't do this to air my dirty laundry, just wanted someone to talk to, talk about anything really, just wanted to get my mind off of things..
Damn them russian mafia anyway, dumb bastages 
Cleaninghouse i think is allways a good thing to do when your down. cause then when you walk into one of the rooms you just cleaned its nice to see it that way. You just got to do things and realize that you made an uncounches(sp?) desison to do it and that means that was you, doing somthing that you wanted to whether you know it or not. know what i mean? any who. I do want to hear about your truck and what youve done to it casue it does sound cool. Theres never been one time when i have told my truck somthing and it say somthing ****y back. I know my truck will allways be there for me. I tell it all the time about how bad other drivers piss me off and all it does is makes me happy by lettin me pass em 
